The power of dormant friendships

July 14, 2016

Since I got to Singapore, two things happened that made me feel immense gratitude for the friendships that I have been able to build and nurture throughout the past ±10 years of my life.

After I posted that I’m coming to Singapore, my Singapore-based friend Nicolas reached out and offered me his apartment to stay while he is out for three weeks traveling. Now I’m using the term “friend” a little loosely here because not only did we not see each other for 8 years but we also didn’t interact that much with each other back in 2008 when he was on a 6-month exchange at my university. But there was enough trust and knowledge for him to reach out and to offer me his place.

Something similar happened with my friend Max. Max and I studied together for 3 years form 2006 to 2009, but we were never close. In fact we only got to see each other once for only one hour over the past 7 years since graduation (I quick coffee in SF before I had to leave for a flight). Yet Max saw that I’m coming to Asia and suggested to do a trip together since he was based nearby in Hong Kong. And now I find myself headed to Bangkok to hang out with him.

These are just two stories, but they feed into a collection of many more. Admittedly, both Nicolas and Max are "weak links” – people that I haven’t really talked or written to for years. And as I think about the why and how these two re-encounters came upon, I come to realize that these types of weak links are not actually weak. They are just dormant and they can come to life at any time. The stories of Nicolas and Max serve as two real examples.

Now for that to happen, Max and Nicolas had to trust me and actually want to reconnect with me. And that trust and willingness came through a certain visibility which they had into my life. If the two had not heard or known about me since we last met, they would have probably not felt the incentive to reach out and reconnect. I didn’t have to look for their contact and then cold-message them, but because they knew where life had taken me ever since we last met and what I had been up to, they reached out to me. If it wasn’t for that insight, I don’t think they would have been so welcoming and inviting.

Now I don’t want to promote self-promoting behavior on Facebook, but the fact that my two friends were able to follow my journey through social media, was really a deciding factor in them reaching out. For good things to crash into your life, you actually have to put a part of yourself out there. You actually have to take the risk and share a part of you.

Picture from entrepreneur.com/article/245671

Things you need to be good at as a VC

July 07, 2016

As someone who is doing his MBA right in the heart of Silicon Valley, I notice a lot of people talking, dreaming, wishing to work in Venture Capital. In fact, not that surprising considering that a recent study of 151 VC Partners in the US found that 53% of them had MBAs – 60% of whom from either Stanford or Harvard (source).

At some point I was so intrigued by the industry that I decided to find out for myself. Given my passion for emerging markets, I wanted that experience to take place in South East Asia, so I ended up with Monk’s Hill Ventures (MHV) which is an industry-agnostic fund that invests across the region (focused on Series A investments).

And as I’m thinking about whether this is an industry I want to dedicate myself to post-graduation, I’ve been thinking a lot about what kind of person you need to be to work successfully in VC? Here are the five traits that I have found to be the most important.

Giver Mentality!

One thing that stood out to me from even before I started with MHV, was the reputation that both partners had. I noticed how some of the most random people in my network had heard of Peng and Kuo-Yi. Not only was their network wide-ranging, but so was their reputation. And since I got to work at MHV, I've been able to see first hand why they were so well-known: they are givers! Despite the increasing number of VCs based out of Singapore, they aren't acting competitively, but trying to help just anyone that comes their way. If the company is not a right fit, they make intros so that the founders find the help they are looking for. As VCs, they see their mandate beyond just building a excelling VC firm, but to help co-build a thriving ecosystem.

Operational Experience

Writing checks is easy, managing companies is difficult. And that’s why a good VC should be capable of, to have enough experience (mixed with intellectual curiosity and critical thinking), to not just provide the cash, but to also provide the guidance. The cash will help keep the company going, but good advice and a strong network will help the company get to the next level.

A healthy degree of Extroversion

The first few times I tried to connect with Peng through his assistant, I was offered time slots that were 5+ days away. How could someone be that busy I wondered, but little did I know. Peng and Kuo-Yi are out on the streets talking to entrepreneurs from morning until late into the evening. Each day in their calendar looks like a book shelf, filled with 45-minute slots and pitches. There are weeks when they don’t even come to the office. After attending some of these meetings myself, I realized how much of an extrovert I need to be to have enough energy to meet that many people each day.

Good Judge Of Character

Whatever start-up idea you look at, be assured that it exists in same or similar shape somewhere else in the world. Actually more than just once. Ideas are out there en masse. What it really comes down to is the execution. Execution is everything, and execution is really something that is strongly tied to the founder or founding team. Being able to assess a founder’s character and their ability to deliver on their promise and vision turn out to be as important as the understanding a VC needs to have about the business and the space it is operating in.

Vision & Opinion

I find it important to have a vision and an opinion about the industries that one is investing in. And along with that, the willingness and readiness to debate the future of those industries. Where are things headed? What is shaping the industry? Do you see where the puck is or do you see where it is going? Having insight and thus foresight is really important because at the end of the day you want to invest in the companies that get it, that move towards the puck. That’s how you build a portfolio of winners and how you create return for your LPs.

Are there examples out there of successful VCs who don’t have all of these traits? You bet there are! Yet I have found these traits to be extremely helpful in building trust with entrepreneurs. And while there are certainly plenty of other traits that matter, these are the ones I have come to consider the most apparent ones.

A good time... a good story… or both!

July 04, 2016

I don’t remember where I picked up this sentence, but it it was an encouragement saying that if you do things that make you uncomfortable, “you will either have a good time or a good story.” There was something very positive and open-minded about this statement, so it stayed in my mind for some time. Yet after a while, I realized that the two are not mutually exclusive. You can have both a good time and a good story.

I like this statement because it encourages me to take risks and it reduces the anxiety that would normally come with it. You certainly need to have a healthy level of “good faith” to soothe your concerns with a simple belief like that… but isn’t that exactly what religions require you to do as well?

So the reason why this sentence has been on my mind again lately is because I was given the opportunity to do something out of the norm. Something that made me feel uncomfortable at first, and which made me look for 573 reasons not to do it – even though the adventurous part of me was really eager to just jump on the opportunity. More specifically, it was an invitation to join someone on a trip to an exotic location. Someone I didn’t know, but someone who was equally crazy and courageous to ask me in the first place.

“Is it crazy if I ask you to join”? I was asked. I paused for a minute or two, and then responded: “Yes it is. In a good way. So... when are we leaving?” And while I was committing to the unknown, to the possibility that this might be a massive disappointment, and to the risk of regretting my decision, I just told myself that at the end of the tunnel, there is either a good time, or a good story. And if I’m lucky, there is actually both. So I went.

And truth be told, this wasn’t the first time I signed up for unexpected and spontaneous ideas or invitations. Yet looking back, there are none that I truly regret. In these moments when I was standing face to face with everything that made my uncomfortable, it was a simple believe like this that allowed to take the risk and carry myself through the experience with a positive and open-minded attitude. And at the end of it, I looked back on a good time and a good story. I made new friends, I got to experience a new place, and I pushed myself to do something I was uncomfortable with.

As I’m approaching the end of my 20s – I’m turning 30 in December – I have become very reflective about this past decade and all the things I did or did not do. The way I think about the past 10 years is sort of a proxy for how I will one day be looking back on my entire life, wondering what life story I wrote. At the end of it all, our life story will be the sum of all the individual decisions that we took. And with that, I want to make sure I take more decisions that allow me to have a good time and a good story.

Talking about the tough stuff in life

June 07, 2016

If you look at Facebook and Social Media in general, it’s hard to deny that the vast majority of the content shared is content about the good stuff in life. Occasionally there is an update about a loss, a personal tragedy, a moment of pain or despair – but the bulk of it is about achievements, accomplishments, aspirations or affirmations.

I recently came across this piece on HBR about writing a resume of failures – and I liked it a lot. I liked it because it encourages a conversation about the tough things in life. And truth be told, my resume of failures would shockingly exceed the length of my resume of accomplishments. From the internships I didn’t get to the promotions I didn’t qualify for. From the scholarships I got rejected from to the opportunities I missed.

So how come we never talk about these things? Embellishment is the name of the game and as we focus on only showing our bright side, we create these images of being infallible human beings. That success is our daily breed, and that we are too perfect to suffer.

But that is not true. We are not perfect. None of us is. We are just not always showing the hardship, we just don’t always talk about our fears, we just never really address those insecurities that influence our thinking and acting – day after day after day.

So when my friend Kudzi asked me to talk about one of my big fears in life, on video, for a new YouTube series called “even the great ones,” I felt uncomfortable. But I also felt obliged to do it. Behind the many followers on Social Media, behind the brands and degrees, behind the polished image of a successful person that my public posts tend to convey, there is a real human being with fears and insecurities just like anyone else.

So when I was asked about one of my biggest fears, I talked about my fear of rejection. This constant fear that I would not be accepted for who I am and that I would have to change to fit in. And as a consequence, that I would end up living a life that is not one in which I do what I really want to do, but one that helps me be accepted.

Building Cultural Fluency

May 06, 2016

The other day I started writing a list of things that I wanted to thank my parents for. It’s now my 7th year living abroad (and away from them), so over the years I have realized specific elements about my upbringing that I used to take for granted, but now actually feel enormously grateful for.

One of them is cultural open-mindedness, or cultural fluency. What is cultural fluency? Well, since I couldn’t find any proper definition for this, came up with my own.

“Cultural fluency is the ability to quickly and deeply empathize with people of other cultures and to decode a nation’s “DNA” in spite of linguistic barriers. It describes an insatiable sense of curiosity and respect for the unknown.”

I built most of my own cultural fluency through the following ways: first, by traveling to foreign places since a young age. Second, by not shying away from doing solo trips to unknown cultures in which I had to “survive” on my own. And third, by proactively seeking the cultural exchange on the ground so I would not be just a bystander but an active participant. All of the above have helped me develop cultural fluency. And while I acknowledge that the first point was a privilege out of my control, the second and third point are much more in our control.

Traveling truly lies at the core of what helps build cultural fluency. It’s the most enriching experience one can have. And with each trip, with each experience, with each interaction that we have with people of other cultures, the better we are able to calibrate our cultural understanding. It adds richness and pleasant complexity to the way we experience life and offers clues about our place in the world. Like a big puzzle in which each experience is a piece that would eventually result in a comprehensive worldview.

“What cultural fluency allows us to do is to meet other cultures at their eye level. To explore without judgement. To understand despite the barriers. To be trusted not feared. To decode and not disdain.”

The simplest example that comes to mind was on a hike that I once did in Africa. We were a diverse international group, yet our guides were all locals from that respective country. I remember how some individuals, native English speakers, would interact with the guides on a level of English that was full of sophisticated expressions and vocabulary. On the other hand, there were some other individuals, mostly foreigners themselves, who would talk to the guides with a level of English that was significantly more adjusted to the level that the guides spoke: rudimentary, simple grammar, slow. Instead of saying: “it’s a tricky thing to figure out,” they would say “it’s difficult and I do not understand it.” Instead of saying “Can you help resolve this asap?” they would rather say “I need your help. Can you help me now?”

For me, that was a telling moment because it showed me an incredible level of empathy (or lack thereof) in the way how we as a group were interacting with some of the locals. This, for me, was an example of cultural fluency. The ability to empathize and to meet on eye-level. And that empathy is especially important to keep us from judging when we encounter unknown cultural elements that do not instantly make sense to us. The empathy allows us to embrace, not dismiss the unknown.

Cultural fluency also helps us feel more connected to the world. It helps us to excavate beyond the surface of “cultural difference” or “language barriers” or dichotomy of “foreigner/local” and get at what makes humans from all around the world similar instead. We feel more at home — anywhere in the world — if we can understand more deeply the lives the strangers that we cross paths with.

Finally, cultural fluency is something that, I hope, can combat a lot of the hate that breeds violence. Hate stems from ignorance and vilifying that which we do not know. The religious man may travel the world and learn about belief systems antagonistic to his own, and return more confident in his faith and tolerant of others. Or, the agnostic man, may travel the world and learn about belief systems seemingly antagonistic to one another, and yet identify the common threads that link them together while also extracting from each different shards of wisdom to inform his own thinking.

One might wonder at this point what role linguistic fluency plays in this. Frankly speaking, it plays a big role. Linguistic fluency is probably what helps you get closest to building profound cultural fluency, but one can already get pretty far without linguistic fluency. What you need is a quest for learning, an instinct for empathy and a bias not to seek simple answers but to probe deeply into the things we see, hear and observe.

Removing yourself from your familiar surroundings and throwing yourself into an environment that is fundamentally chaotic in comparison with what you already know, is basically the fastest way to build cultural fluency. And once you have enough of that, you will be able to behave as a traveler, not as a tourist.

Wantrepreneur vs Entrepreneur – which one are you?

May 01, 2016

(this post was originally written for the Adidas Blog)

I’m an entrepreneur, working on a start-up idea” – that is probably the most spoken sentence in Silicon Valley. Everyone seems to have ‘this project’ that they are working on. And even if they have full-time jobs, they have a business idea that they are pursuing on the side. GIVE ME A BREAK!

Seriously, I wonder how many of the self-proclaimed entrepreneurs out there rather classify as ‘wantrepreneurs’.

“In the often-accurate words of Urban Dictionary, a wantrepreneur is someone who is ‘always talking about starting a business, but never getting there’.”

And to be honest, I have seen more of them than the real entrepreneurs who actually have the grit it takes to succeed.

As a wantrepreneur you are so obsessed with finding the right idea that you end up paralyzing yourself in your search. You are in love with the fantasy of selling your company for big bucks, but not willing to make the sacrifice that comes with building a company. You sit at your desk, trying to find a solution before you even TRULY understand the problem. You want all the ups of the rollercoaster ride that is entrepreneurship, but don’t have the resilience to deal with the downs. You want it, but you don’t want it hard enough. And you probably want it for the wrong reasons.

Think of sports. For you to be a world-class athlete, you need to really get your stuff together. You need to practice and not let wounds or bruises stop you from going all in.

“You train while others still sleep and you train when others go to sleep. It consumes you, you consume it. Sweat is your fuel.”

There are the moments you love and those you hate. But you keep going until you become better; a little better today, then a little more tomorrow. You start as ‘unstoppable’ and turn it into ‘unbeatable’. The medal is yours, congratulations.

This hunger needs to be a must to be a successful entrepreneur. You need to want it really badly. You need to consume it and it needs to consume you. You need to be out there hustling while others still sleep and you need to hustle when others go to sleep. The answers are not to be found inside the building. They are outside and you need to go out there and talk to real people as opposed to sitting at your desk, trying to PowerPoint yourself to a successful idea. You can’t expect to be world-class but act half-heartedly.

“Being an entrepreneur comes with a price tag."

For example on the days you find out about a competitor or when an investor turns you down. Remember what Mike Tyson said? “Everyone has a plan ’till they get punched in the mouth.” You have just got to own those moments, too. After all, you will get punched over and over again. But all that matters is how quickly you get back up on your feet.

Don’t fall into the wantrepreneurship trap. There are too many folks stuck in there already.

“If you decide to become an entrepreneur, know what you signed up for. Embrace all of its ups and downs. Own them. Want them. Thrive on them.”

It’s not impossible, but it’s tough. And to make it, you need to want it hard enough and want it for the right reasons. You don’t want to be driven by the idea of exit, but by the idea of impact…by actually making a difference in this world.

Does that description fit? It does? Congratulations! Go out there and proudly call yourself an entrepreneur.

When it's not about right or wrong anymore...

March 19, 2016

I’m sure you know this situation where you have a fight with someone that you actually care about. You have a fight and you are convinced that you are right and that they are wrong. You are absolutely certain because your point reflects 110% the way how you act, what you believe and what you expect from others. No matter how much you try to put yourself into your shoes, you always come back to the way how you see the situation – your own reality. “How could they POSSIBLY think that?” you ask yourself. Turns out that the other person is in the exact same position. So you fight, argue, hurt each other and your relationship suffers.

And you know what. I’ve been there many times myself. Be it in my relationship with a flatmate or even with people as close as my mom. I’ve been there and I’ve gotten myself into the cycle of arguing, fighting reconciling, promising to change, then doing it all over again.

Last year, after a series of arguments over quite mundane and trivial topics, my mom and I got to a point where we both decided to take some time off. For the following two months, we did not speak to each other. We needed that time off to come to our senses again. It was an issue that had been going on for years with no promise of improvement, and as they say, sometimes dire situations require dire steps.

So… it wasn’t easy at all, but it was much needed. And it gave me a lot of time to think and reflect. At first I ignored the topic – it felt like a relief to not have to deal with it, but as time went by, the urge to resolve this became increasingly pressing. So I started talking to friends, read articles, sat down and wrote down my thoughts.

And in that process, there was one key thing that I realized. I realized that sometimes in life, it’s not a matter of right or wrong. Not an issue of changing the other person. It’s a matter of how much do you care about this person and what you are willing to do/sacrifice/put in to make it work. Even if that means that you have to apologize for something that you don’t think requires an apology. Even when you think you did everything right and that the other person has absolutely no reason to react that way. Persevering on your point of view won’t lead anywhere, so why fight?

This was an important realization for me. One that changed a lot of my behavior from that moment onwards. Yeah, of course, my mom still says things that I fundamentally disagree with, but after everything is said and done, I love her and bearding her would in no way reflect the real feelings I have for her outside that one issue that we disagree with. It’s kind of getting the short end of the stick, but intentionally and gracefully because you know it’s not worth fighting for the long end of it. It’s a form of tolerating something but with no bad feelings, but with feelings of “I’m doing the right thing here.”

At the end, in order to be able to go down this route of acting/thinking/feeling, it’s important to ask yourself how important that person and that relationship is with you. When the answer is “very important,” then you might as well do whatever it takes to make it work!

Participating in the HIVE Global Leaders Program

February 16, 2016

I spent this past weekend on a 3-day retreat in San Francisco hosted by Hive, a network of global leaders. It was their 6th event and I had been wanting to participate for a long time.

The event was application-based and given my current status as a student, I qualified for a stipend which lowered the cost of participation. That said, given that I’m currently at business school, it wasn’t a very obvious decision for me to participate. This is due to the overlap of some of the key values of the program: leadership development and a global network of change makers. However, as I wrote in my application, each of these networks is characterized by different strengths. While business school is a network of very intellectual and business-oriented people, an institution like Hive was going to provide me with a network of more spiritual, artistic and entrepreneurial people. So I applied, got in, and attended.

The first day was focused on two mainly two topics: understanding the eight grand challenges of mankind (peace, education, environment, energy, etc.), and learning how to prototype ideas (a session hosted by Tom Chi, a renown guru in this space). The second day’s focus was mostly on designing our life (workshop style in which we identified our life’s purpose and developed a plan to achieve it). We also heard from Gordon Starr, a GSB Alum of ’68 and a highly-regarded leadership coach. The third day consisted of workshops that tied back to the 8 grand challenges, leadership and entrepreneurship.

I find myself on a train ride back to campus, but decided to quickly write down some of my impressions from the weekend. I’ll just number them in random order as the pop to my mind (you will see me make a lot of comparisons to business school, but that’s just simply because the rest of my life is consumed with life on campus).

1) Probably the most diverse event I have been to. 135 participants from 42 countries (either raised or lived for 10+ years). Only two of the participants were business school students (1 HBS and 1 GSB). Takeaway: there is a lot of global demand for programs of personal growth.

2) The evening before our first full day, we had a dinner in which we were split into smaller groups of eight. After a bit of smalltalk, our facilitator initiated a very profound conversation about the hardest moment in our life and how it shaped us (we had 7 minutes to share). I knew that deep touchy-feely stuff would work at the GSB where folks feel part of a selective community, but I was worried it might not work with a group of 8 folks who had been randomly grouped and where I knew no more than their names. But it did and it was refreshing to see how quickly people let the curtain fall (and that such experiences are not exclusive to an expensive business school education). Takeaway: building deep connections driven by empathy and vulnerability is something that requires the right context and that can be elicited quickly.

3) It was extremely refreshing to be sitting next to architects, community organizers, designers, urban planners, etc. and discuss entrepreneurial ideas. It was very enriching to hear all these different and non-traditional perspectives. Takeaway: surround yourself more with nontraditional folks.

4) Gordon Starr (Leadership coach and GSB alum of 1968) held a really nice session on the importance of integrity as a key leadership trait. More specifically, he talked about those many times were there are implied or explicit agreements which we fall behind of due to a variety of reasons (from the meeting we arrive late to to the email introduction that we never make). We had to think of some of our own moments where we fell behind on our promises and how that compromised our integrity. As part of the exercise, I made a list of situations where I didn’t follow-up on what I had committed to and started tackling the list on the very same date. His argument was that if we fall behind our promises (loss of integrity) we could reestablish it through honesty. Takeaway: Integrity is a key leadership trait.

5) We started each morning with a 20-minute mediation session. I have started mediation this year, but it was really nice to do it as a group. I’m now super tempted to go on a proper retreat some time. Takeaway: meditate more.. you need it!

6) Unit economics. Ryan Allis, the chairman of Hive and overall a very impressive person, gave a fascinating talk about the concept of Unit Economics and how many Silicon Valley-based companies get it wrong so bad. ARPU (average revenue per user), LTV (life-time value) and CAC (customer acquisition cost) were all concepts I was aware of, but having him talk about the big picture and how these concepts are related to each other was nothing short of fantastic. Takeaway: read and learn more about unit economics.

7) A new perspective on business school. Ryan shared his view on business school education, a lens through which I had never really looked at it. He tried to justify business school education by highlighting that it’s helpful for those who plan to lead organizations and companies of many hundred people. And he is right … even though this is one of many different ways to look at business school education and there are different ways to justify this investment. Takeaway: Make sure to mention to future applicants that business school is ideally suited for those who plan to lead larger organizations.

8) Business versus companies. We use the word business quite a lot these days. But all it really says is busy-ness. Company on the other hand has the etymological meaning "companion, one who eats bread [pane] with you," coming from the Late Latin word companio.” Isn’t that so much more meaningful to describe the essence of a venture? Takeaway: use the word company, not business.

As mentioned earlier, this is a random collection of takeaways. But in a nutshell, it was a great experience that I recommend anyone to make. What I’m most excited for is to stay in touch with this great group of individuals and to see what everyone will end up doing over the months and years to come!

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3 life lessons that I take away from 2015

December 29, 2015

Another year is over, and it’s quite hard to believe how quickly it went by. In many ways, this was the year of extremes – full of projects and challenges that really pushed me to the edge (and beyond) of what I always thought I was capable of. From the places I got to visit (10+ countries I had never been to), the projects I started, to the many opportunities that crashed into my life. If this year had a theme, I would call it the year of “unlocking myself.”

Among my highlights: certainly my photo exhibition on Iran, the opportunity to contribute to TEDxKish, visiting places like Cuba or North Korea, co-organizing a trip to Colombia for 260 of my classmates, a trip around the world that took me to 14 different countries, climbing up Mount Kilimanjaro and every single new person I got to meet this year. Despite all these high(light)s, what carries most weight is a massive sense of gratitude for this to have been another healthy and positive year in the books.

Needless to say, as action-packed as it was, it was also full of lessons to be learned. In the following, I created a quick-read list of some of my most important take-aways.

When you are aligned, you are unstoppable

My story: There were quiet a few moments this year where I saw myself doing things that were far beyond what I thought I was capable of. On top of mind are the photo exhibition (which was something I had absolutely no experience in) and the entire adventure of getting myself to Iran for the TEDx event (which was probably the craziest itinerary I ever had).

In both cases, I knew that what I was doing was a massive stretch. Yet these things felt like the right thing to do. I was eager, excited and motivated. I disregarded the naysayers and just focused on the outcome. More importantly, I was able to visualize the outcome … I didn’t know how, but I could see myself pull it off – right in front of my eyes.

The lesson: Some of the experiences of this year showed me the potential that lies within being aligned with something that I felt very passionate about. It was like the sail was aligned exactly with the direction of the wind which allowed me to speed ahead at full force. It unlocked elements of me that were always there, but never had a chance to surface. From the outside, folks would say I couldn't do it, but deep inside I knew I could. The interesting piece here is that you don’t always need to have the passion first to unlock these feelings. Sometimes you might notice these feelings which are then indicative of what you are passionate about.

Leading with Curiosity or with Vulnerability

My story: I dedicated a lot of my own time and effort this year into researching and understanding how we as humans can build more lasting, memorable and meaningful relationships with each other. Apart from a lot of articles and speeches, I tested a lot of different ideas myself. From my Smarttalk questions that can help chat up strangers to different ways of engaging with classmates (e.g., Walks & Talks).

Stanford in particular, was a great environment for me to test and understand what types of social approaches work and which don’t. At first I thought the 400 of us would be “similar enough” for me to be able to connect with them all through one single approach, but I soon realized that this wasn’t the case. While many of my articles were about leading conversations with a strong sense of curiosity, I soon realized that this doesn’t work 100% of the time.

The lesson: In addition to “Leading with Curiosity,” which I describe as a genuine interest in the other person’s life (their collective memories, experiences, and feelings), there is another approach which I would describe as “Leading with Vulnerability.” I saw that while being interested and curious is generally appreciated, it can come across as nosy/imposing. I saw how some people became defensive as a result – it really is a personality thing. Instead, a different approach that seemed to work was to lead conversations with vulnerability – by sharing things that would expose me a bit, yet which set the right stage of "approachability." And by vulnerability, I don’t only mean stories in which one comes across weak, but even a simple question like “this is something I want to learn from you” can create a sense of "subordination," and thus, vulnerability.

The high return on taking small risks

My story: Some years ago I had this idea that “each year of my life would have to be better than the previous one,” a thought that was inspired by Google’s early-days hiring practice: “each hire needs to be better than you.” Looking back on the last 3-4 years, I can certainly say that I “managed” to live by this principle. Each year “felt better” (measured in how active I was, fulfilled I felt, meaningful connection I made, etc.) than the previous one.

As I was thinking about my goals for 2016, I sat down and started to write down a list of all the things I wanted to do (and wanted to do more than in 2015). Yet soon enough, I realized that some of the best things that happened to me in 2015 were not things I could have ever planned. There is no way that at the end of 2014, I could have ever captured, planned, or predicted some of the best things that happened to me throughout 2015.

The lesson: I realized that the only reason why so many great things happened in 2015 was not because I planned them, but because I had the right attitude. The attitude was that I was willing to take small risks, here and there, and thus unlock high returns. For example, the only reason I got invited to speak at TEDx was because I dared to invite someone to my exhibition that I had never met (I messaged her like a creep yet she believed me and came). The only reason I got to party backstage with Robin Schulz at his show in Buenos Aires was because I dared to start a conversation with the guy sitting next to me on the plane. None of these things I could have been planned, but with the attitude of wanting to take small risks, I was able to unlock big returns and thus make it a great year.

2015, thanks! 2016, bring it on!

Takeaways from my 1st quarter at B-School

December 23, 2015

I spent most of last week catching-up with my friends in San Francisco — many of whom I had not managed to see over the past three months since I started at the Stanford Graduate School of Business (GSB).

So the number one question they all had for me was: “how has school been so far?” And as someone who is visual, I couldn’t help but respond: “Do you remember the acceleration stripes in Mario Kart that you could drive over? Well, that’s how the last few months have felt to me.” Yes, business school felt like the acceleration pad in Mario Kart.

Former and current students warned me about how they had never beenthat busy in their lives, about how overwhelming it was and how little they got to get done outside of school. And truth be spoken, that’s exactly how it felt to me as well. Yet as opposed to using words like busy and overwhelmed, I would rather describe it as crazy intense. The following is meant to be a little recap of my experience at school so far.

Overall, it’s been a lot of fun — on all dimensions (some more than others). Yet there have been many “lessons learned” along the way which are often lessons that extend beyond school and find a lot of application in life.

#1 School is this massive buffet — know your appetite!

You are in this new environment which I compare with a massive buffet that has so much more food that you can possibly eat. You want to try it all, but what’s the fun of nibbling just a little bit of everything. So you look at it, and you feel overwhelmed. Where shall you start? What shall you eat? It all looks tasty, it all looks interesting.

That’s basically school. And turns out that the more “appetite” you have for something particular, the easier it can be for you to navigate this massive offering. The more you know what you want to get out of the experience, the better. Doesn’t mean you can’t go around and taste things (aka “explore”), but at least you can still feed yourself on the things you really have an appetite for. Personally, I felt the ideal division between “appetite” and “tasting” would be 70/30.

#2 Your brain is ON! Like … ON FIRE!

I didn’t realize this until two days after our finals when my brain finally started to slow down: throughout the entire three months, it felt like my brain was ON with no break at all. It was always working, digesting massive input, constantly making decisions, trying to make sense of this new environment that I was part of. And this wasn’t just limited to the academic portion of the experience. Even the social aspects of business school can be quite an energy drain on your brain. Especially in the beginning when you are keen on getting to know your new classmates. So the winter break came just in time.

What happens is that you wake up with that massive to-do list on your mind and you go to bed with the same list that now only seems longer than what you started the day with. This can be quite a mental burden because you feel you are constantly behind on, well, all aspects of life. On that note, it really helps to set expectations right with family and friends before school begins. I had a few friends outside of school who seemed to have felt “neglected” by me.

One thing that helped me keep my sanity was an (almost) daily workout routine in the morning with a classmate. I wasn’t able to fully disconnect (it would have helped to keep airplane mode on until after the workout), but it did help start the day in a fresh manner. Another practice I would like to add next quarter to keep a healthy balance to the campus craziness is meditation.

#3 Gratitude versus Regret

Early on I noticed the difficulty to make decisions. Building on top of my buffet analogy, it seems that for every Yes-decision you make, you have to make two or three simultaneous No-decisions along the way. There are always multiple talks, events, parties going on and you are constantly challenged to prioritize one over the others.

What is important is to go to sleep at night and be grateful for the things you were able to do as opposed to feel regretful for all the things you wanted to do but didn’t have time for. Here again, the more you know what you want to get out of the experience, the easier it is to feel appreciative for your Yes-decisions.

#4 Am I learning anything here?

There is so much going on each day that it’s hard to look beyond tomorrow. At best you look at the next week, but with all the deadlines, events, options at hand, it’s hard to zoom out and to look how you have changed beyond yesterday or last week. As a matter of fact, it’s really hard to pinpoint the exact return on your investment.

As mentioned in a recent blog post, the concept of morphing explains why it’s so difficult to identify changes as we are going through the experience. Yet comparing the the end of something with the beginning, allows us to see some contrast, the change that wasn’t very visible as one is going through the actual experience.

If I was going to question the value and return of each class or interaction, I would just drive myself crazy. I would spoil the fun. An investment in education like that requires a decent level of “good faith” that there is a very big long-term component even though the actual experience goes for only two years. That this is an investment whose biggest benefit one might reap 40 years down the road. Judging the return just on basis of these two years is very short-sighted.

That said, I did learn a lot. Yet just like during my undergrad, I feel that I learned most things outside the classroom. Maybe because the school environment outside class allowed me to apply some of those things I learned in the classroom. Or maybe because some of the classroom learnings will have the most relevance once we are out of school and get a chance to apply them in a work setting.

On the aspect of learning, there are two important things I would recommend. First, it’d be really nice to have a way of capturing the things you are learning at school (a journal, a daily list of “lessons learned,” running a public blog, etc.). Most classes have a no-laptop policy so one would have to find other ways to capture things in a timely manner. Second, I found it important and useful to do a “start/stop/continue” exercise after my first quarter. What are the things I want to start doing, stop doing or continue doing.

#5 That social life…

Undoubtedly, social life is a big component of any business school experience. And undeniably, it’s a big component at the GSB as well. The fact that we are “only” ±400 students (compared to other schools that have up to more than twice that much), there is a feeling that there is a chance to actually meet most folks of my year. Not instantly, but over time.

Personally, it was quite clear to me from early on that this experience is all about the people. With that in mind, I made a massive effort to facilitate 1:1 conversations with as many classmates as possible. Something that really helped me connect and empathize with my classmates. While not very scalable (one can only do 1–2 per day), it allowed me to have some sort of meaningful conversation with those folks that I talked to.

I found time for these things by making a deliberate decision to reduce my participation in 1:many events. Something that turned out to be a “mistake.” By the end of the quarter I realized that while there are different ways of being social (coffee chats, going to parties, etc.), and that it wouldn’t be right to be social in just one way. Doing more of one type, won’t compensate for not doing any of the other. It’s ok to do one more than others, but it’s still important to do them all if one wants to have a comprehensive social experience.

Given my very social nature, I ended up becoming friends with a lot of individuals, but less so with groups of people. Not necessarily something “wrong,” and certainly something that I have other folks say as well, but it did create a feeling along the lines of “who is my group?”.

Looking forward

Going back to my experience of being back in SF to catch up with friends, I realized that the Stanford experience is quite different from what my previous four years in SF/Silicon Valley/Tech Entrepreneurship looked like. They are both bubble-type experiences, but they are different.

Maybe this is also just because I’d rate the content of our first quarter as more “corporate-focused” than “entrepreneurship-focused” — something that will be more the case in the following quarters. I can see how the next quarters might feel more like a merge between these two worlds that I have gotten to experience and enjoy.

In a nutshell, it’s been a lot of fun, very intense, and I’m excited for the remaining 1.5 years ahead :).

THE POSITUDE

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