Dear comfort zone...

...how are you?

Look, we never actually had an opportunity to talk – and I hope this doesn’t make you in any way uncomfortable (a little pun to ease things up? No? Mmh, please bear with me...) – but I’ve realized a few things lately which I’ve been wanting share with you! 

Where shall I start … well, let me tell you that I always knew that you were a thing, that you existed! That said, I never really noticed you. You were kind of omnipresent yet invisible to me. You influenced many of my decisions throughout my life, and I certainly felt your presence every time I faced a situation to which I responded with hesitation, but I didn’t recognize that it was you who made me feel that way.

Let me ask – wasn’t it you who discouraged me from approaching that girl I noticed the other night sitting alone at the bar? I think it was you. You said that this would not be “my style” to do that. Weren’t you also there when I asked my manager to present the slides he and I had worked on. Something made me feel insecure that moment. Again, I think it was you who argued that he could do a much better job.

I have to admit it took me some time, but eventually I got a pretty good read on you. 

Not sure how much you know about yourself, but as your name indicates, you are quite literally a zone that surrounds me. A zone that decides over what makes me anxious and what doesn't. A zone whose borders only exist in my mind and whose area functions like a safe jetty in an ocean of uncertainty. Yes, you are a jetty on which I can walk back and forth without having to fear anything. Without falling into the water and drowning – that at least is what I tell myself will happen. Because anything you comprise, is something I’m easy with. Easy because it’s predictable and familiar. A safe path that I’ve walked on many times. Yet as comfortable as it seems to be, it’s also dull and far from challenging. So where is the fun?

Walking on this jetty that you have become only prevents me from jumping into that big ocean – but aren't we supposed to take risks? All the things that are located outside of you are things that I dread and fear to drown in. Things I shy away from and for which I can magically invent hundreds, if not even thousands of excuses – "it’s not my style," "others know it better," "I’m not supposed to do such things,” “I’m not ready for it.” Yet people say that everything that happens outside of you is the fun and magical stuff. People say that life begins at those borders I have created in my mind – the “edges” of you. They say that even though jumping of that jetty sounds dangerous, it’s the only way to access the things that will help me grow, learn and develop myself beyond what I always thought was possible. I want to be honest, the more I think about it, the more I feel that jumping and swimming in that ocean sounds fun. 

But there is another thing they say about you, namely that you are not static but that you can both grow and shrink. And if I think about it, I can clearly see that his is true. I can see that you comprise things that I used to be afraid of. I remember that striking a conversation with strangers was something that would make me nervous. But now that’s something I do all the time. I used to be afraid of sharing my opinion in front of class... but that is now part of you as well. It’s kind of funny to see how small you were and how big you have grown. No matter how scared I used to be of those situations, I’m glad I included them in you by constantly pushing these boundaries and increasing your “surface area.” Will I feel the same way in a few years looking back on the things I’m afraid of today? I sincerely hope so! 

As I said, I feel I got a pretty good read on you, but that’s not it. As much as I appreciate what you have become, I feel a tremendous obligation to grow you to so much more than what you are today. I feel that if I don’t, I would miss out on a lot of the excitement that life has to offer. I know that my life will only improve if I take the chances that seem impossible to me – chances that are not part of you today. After all, the fun of expanding you lies less in the comfort that I build but more in the discomfort that I lose. It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. And looking at the many things that still make me uncomfortable today, I realize this is going to be a long journey. But that’s exactly what I want.

I want to get into this magical state where people could throw literally anything at my and I would be able to tackle those challenges with no hesitation because I wouldn’t feel any discomfort. From approaching people to presenting in front of large crowds. From trying new experiences to understanding my annual tax return. From learning new skills to doing the things I know I'm not good at. The bigger I can grow you, the more stuff you will be able to deal with. And that’s exactly who I want to be as a person. Someone who is not afraid of anything, but able to tackle everything. 

Comfort zone, sorry, but I kind of unmasked you.

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3 life lessons that I take away from 2014

And so it happens again that I’m sitting in an airplane somewhere over Northern Africa reflecting over the past year. And boy, what a year! While there was no major event in my life like a job change, location move or a serious illnesses, it was still an action-packed year. It certainly was the year I traveled most, probably an aggregate 5 months*. If I had to give it a theme, it would be the year of enlightenment. Enlightenment, because I finally dared to open my eyes and see the things that had been staring at me but which I couldn’t see because I lacked sufficient courage or confidence. Some things simply take time… apples also don't fall from the tree before they are ripe (isn’t there a saying like that? Well, on that note, sayings remain a weak point… far beyond 2014...). 

While I feel that I could write an entire article about each of the things I learned in 2014 (and rest assured I will in due time), I thought it would be much better to make it a quick-read list of what I experienced and what lesson I learned which has validity beyond my own situation! 

Persistence always pays off, sometimes

My story: I started out 2014 with two main objectives. One goal related to a person, the other was a goal which required tremendous effort and preparation – a lifelong objective I had been pursuing outside of work. On my first attempt on those two goals, I was best prepared, absolutely dedicated, fully invested. I made the biggest effort imaginable to make them happen. And as it was meant to happen… I was rejected and didn’t get what I wanted. My heart broken, my gut wrenched.  

Even though I accepted those outcomes, I was never able to walk away from the “what if”-feeling and the aspiration to try them again. Soon enough, I found myself confronted with the possibility to give each of those goals another go. And so I did. This time, I felt I had learned from my mistakes of my first attempt. I saw myself even more prepared, dedicated and invested. My omnipresent uncertainties of the first time had been converted into unbreakable desires to succeed the second time. Fast forward to today, I succeeded at one of those goals, but failed a second time on the other. Now, a few months later, I look back and I have come to realize that all three things – the victory, the failure, and the timeline around each of them – where the best outcomes that could have happened to me. 

The lesson: We like to throw around quotes about how persistence and hard work always pay off. 2014 taught me that this is true only sometimes. I look back on each of those goals and I can confidently say that for each of them I really did everything I could, that I really wanted them, and that I truly thought that both were meant to be. But 2014 showed me that hard work and persistence are just half the rent. The other half is whether something is meant to be or not. Just because I want something really bad, it doesn’t mean that it’s what Life (yes, capital L) has foreseen for me. Who are we to know what is best for us? Sometimes we need to trust "the flow of things,” or Life as I call it. 

“Everything that happens to you is the best that could happen to you. If it wasn’t the best, it would have not happened to you"

This experience in 2014 was the perfect example that with hard work you certainly set yourself up for success, but that the final decision is not in your hands, but in the hands of Life.

Planting seeds of passion

My story: Throughout 2013, I had gained several perspectives that others found interesting and which I consequently wanted to share with a wider audience. That’s how I started my blog, ThePositude.com. In addition to writing, I had many other interests like user experience design (UXD), photography, storytelling, public speaking, networking, and many more. So one thing I did throughout 2014, was to "plant seeds of passion.” In a very unstructured manner, I tried to pursue as many different interests as possible.

For my photography, I started to go to meet-ups or licensed some of my pictures to publications and corporations. For my interest in UXD, I took a 3-month course at a well-established institution. For the writing, I published over 35 articles this year. And so on and so forth. The more different things I pursued, the more I realized what were the things that I really felt passionate about (and what were the things that were mere interests). Fast forward to today, while this is still an ongoing process – I have developed a very good understanding of what things I’m really good at and what I think is my calling. At least for now since this idea of planting seeds of passion is ongoing.

The lesson: I think each of us would agree that we have many interests, but that we don’t always know what we are most passionate about or what the number one thing is we are meant to do in our lives. One way to find this out is this notion of “planting seeds of passion.” Basically it means that you take all the interests you have (even if they are completely different) and then pursue them intentionally in form projects that can range in size, length, or impact. The more seeds you plant, the better. Some of these seeds will grow into beautiful flowers, others will die in front of your eyes. And that’s all fine because as you pursue all the things you have some general interest in, you will be able to identify the things that literally keep you awake at night. And as these flowers grow, you will be able to compose a beautiful bouquet that reflects the things you are most passionate about. 

When letting go is the only option you are left with

My story: Little did I know how 2014 was going to teach me a very important lesson: some people are meant to enter your life, but not meant to stay in it. That they enter for a reason, namely to teach you something, but no matter how much you want to keep them in your life, that’s not the reason why they entered in the first place.

And that’s exactly what happened to me this year. I had to let go of a person whom I profoundly admired and fondly appreciated, but whose presence and the way I was being treated had become too much of a burden. So much that my willingness to fight was suddenly dominated by the pain from my suffering. And while it was one of the hardest things I had to do, cutting the cord was the only option I was left with. So I cut it. 

And as Life likes to handle things, the following weeks and months were riddled by second-guessing. I would question my decision-making ability and think of reasons why I should switch back to fight mode. But as time passed, I learned to embrace my decision and before I knew, my doubts were replaced with certainty. With relief. Even with a sense of gratitude to myself. The fog cleared and I look back wondering what took me so long to make a decision that was way overdue. 

The lesson: Some things in life we have to learn in a painful manner. There is no way around it. People can tell you a gazillion times what is best for you based on their own experience, but you won’t reach that same conclusion until you actually undergo the suffering yourself. And yet, while we reach that conclusion and make the decision to move on, Life will come at us, instill doubts, and make us question our decision-making ability. What seemed like the right decision just moments ago quickly turns into “was that the biggest mistake I did in my life?” But that’s just Life’s way of showing us that you are on the right track. Once the storm is over you will look back and be able to admit that sometimes Life doesn’t give us what we want, but what we need.

2014, thanks! 2015, bring it on!

*3xGermany, 2xArgentina, 2xGuatemala, Iran, Chile, Perú, México, Costa Rica, Dubai, Morocco, Toronto, Sydney, Miami, New York, Los Angeles, Coachella, Brazil, Austria and England

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Talent is distributed equally — opportunities are not!

And then it hit me. This moment of absolute emptiness in the face of complete richness. A feeling of having everything yet nothing at all.

It was this past Tuesday. I was on the East Coast for Thanksgiving week, taking some time off from California for a rendezvous with the secret love of my life, New York City. This city is one of these rare things in life that you don’t know how much you missed until you are back. I feel the same about going to the movies or standing on my snowboard.

My friends and I were supposed to grab dinner that night — lots of guy talk was ahead of us. We headed to this Japanese corner restaurant in Chelsea, a place packed with chic people from a range of affluent backgrounds. After a 40-minute wait we got a table for three — with a great view over the crowd that was tastefully savoring small pieces of sushi. It had been over 10 months since the last time we were together, so a feeling of joy was dominating both us and our food order decisions — unimpressed by the prices, we ordered whatever our hearts desired: from truffled tuna to the most exquisite sushi rolls. Our many orders were arriving one after the other. But instead of indulging into my food and feeling carefree, my mind started shooting a series of guilt-questions at me.

What did I do to deserve sitting here? Of all the people in this world, why me? Where's the catch? Why are some healthy while others die suddenly? Why are some sitting inside while others are out in the cold? Why can some afford food that others couldn’t even dream of? 

The reason why we have religions, is because these are all attempts to make sense of the world. Sense of the things that happen to us. The good things and the bad things. “Sense making” is in our nature. Our curiosity leads us to wanting to understand what we see and what we feel. And that’s exactly what hit me in that moment. An attempt to make sense of my situation. To fathom life. 

If you make more than $34,000 after taxes, you belong to the 1% of this world (source). Let that sink in for a moment. It takes just $34,000 to put you among the top 1 percentile of this world’s population of 7.x billion people – quite staggering. So why is it that some people have things that others don’t have? How can this inequality gap be explained? What in this world decides over the circumstances to which our lives and opportunities will be subject to? 

While I feel extremely fortunate for all the opportunities I have in my life, I can’t stop trying to make sense of the why. Sometimes it’s a side thought that accompanies my day to day. Other times, it’s a moment of pure intensity – a punch hitting me right in the face. This moment of simultaneous richness and emptiness. Acknowledging the beauty of life is both propelling and daunting. And the more I have come to appreciate it, the more I have felt guilt and intimidation for this runway of opportunities ahead of me. 

I haven’t managed to make sense of this entirely, but in attempting to do so, there is this one thing I tell myself over and over again: "With opportunity comes responsibility.” The few who have opportunities at hand, also have the responsibility to use them. To maximize them. Not only to benefit themselves, but to benefit society in general and others in particular. What incredible discredit would it be if you had opportunities that others don’t, but then didn't make use of them? As my fitness trainer texted me the other day

"I believe that to the person who has been gifted much, much will be required in return." – Coach Kenny

When I say opportunities, then I mean a wide range of things: If I have the opportunity to make new experiences, I have the responsibility to do so. If I have the opportunity to travel to new places, then I should. If I can afford higher education and think it’s aligned with what I want to do, I better be pursuing it. If I have been fancying something and have the money to buy it, then why not? If I have time and friends in need, there shouldn’t be anything keeping me from helping them. If I have stories to share and means to do so, I should if it might be of interest to others. 

“When you learn, teach. When you get, give.” — Dr. Maya Angelou

Far too many people don’t have the means. Many others though, have the means but don't make use of them because of laziness, ignorance, or selfishness. So if you have the means, you also have the obligation to use them. Just for fun? No! There is a bigger picture to understand. If you are someone with opportunities, you should use these opportunities to find your calling – to align yourself with what you are supposed to be doing in your life. Pursuing these opportunities is exactly what will help us identify what that calling is. 

Traveling to new places, pursuing education, helping others, buying something you have been desiring – maximizing these opportunities and exposing yourself to the richness of life out there will only help you better understand yourself and what you are really great at. And once you understand that calling of yours – when you are truly aligned with the purpose of your existential being on this world – you will be best positioned to create value for this world that you are part of. For the other X% that do not have the opportunities that you have.

I think it’s incomplete to measure someone’s service to society only by how much money they donate or how many sandwiches they hand out to the homeless. While sharing your wealth and “getting your hands dirty” is certainly part of how everyone is supposed to give back, I think there is more to that. Part of our service to society will also lie in the simple act of pursuing the single one thing we are meant to be doing in our lives. The one thing we enjoy most – what we are best at. Once we are aligned with that purpose, magic will happen. Magic for us and for everyone else. 

Many people talk about changing the world. A noble idea that I absolutely support and certainly aspire to myself. But only a few will have an impact comparable to how Mother Teresa, Mahatma Gandhi or Steve Jobs impacted the world. But is that the only way to make this world a better place? No. You can already have impact by taking what you are most passionate about and dedicating it to the world you are part of. 

If your calling is interior design, then you are contributing to society by designing spaces that help people feel comfortable and creative. If your calling is photography, then you are inspiring others with the way how you portray the world. If you are a musician, then you are delighting others far out in the world with the music you are creating. And if you are into fitness, you can let others be part of that health journey and inspire them to eat better. People used to criticize Steve Jobs for his lack of philanthropy (at least it wasn’t publicly known). But he pursued his true passion and calling. And in doing so, he served society much more than any of us ever will. 

If the top 1% of this world pursued their true calling, would we get rid of all suffering in this world in no time? Probably not, but then again, who knows? If we had more people maximizing the opportunities around them, we would have more people contributing to society than we have now. And that would be much more valuable than having people ignore and thus waste the opportunities given to them. In the words of Robert Kennedy

"Few will have the greatness to bend history itself; but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total; of all those acts will be written the history of this generation." — Robert Kennedy

In summary, I have come to believe that there is a certain meaning behind the unequal distribution of resources and opportunities among us humans. Talent is distributed equally, but opportunities are not. The ones with talent and opportunities have the responsibility, if not even obligation, to maximize those opportunities. But not just for fun, but to identify what their true calling is in life. Once they identified that purpose, they are best positioned to contribute to all the other people in this world who weren’t given these  opportunities in the first place. By aligning themselves with that calling, they become a channel of positive force. Identifying our passions and pursuing the things we are most successful at, is our best shot to pay back the price of having those opportunities in the first place.

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If you only had one more month to live...

"If you had exactly one month left to live, what would you do?" — That's what I was asked today by a friend who sadly lost a very close and dear family member this year. Little did she know that she was talking to someone who had lost four of his friends to accidents and suicide during a short time period of about 6 years when I was between 14 and 20 years old. 

At this point I strongly encourage you to take minute and think about this question. What would you do if you had only 30 days to live? You could do anything. Would you take all your savings and travel to the top 3 destinations you always had planned to visit? Would you take out your list of "100 things to do before I die" and tick off as many as possible? Not many people get the "option" to know that their end date is actually set. So what would you do if you knew? 

My friend was theorizing that she would be losing the fear of the things she had been afraid of all of her life. No more fear of overdosing on drugs. No more fear of HIV when having sex. No more fear of death when river rafting, sky diving, or bungee jumping. If your end is in sight, why would you even care? You got nothing to lose. Reality is that we live in a society in which we constantly hear and read about the "X things one needs to do before he/she dies". So it wouldn't surprise me if most of you would think similarly.

While I was certainly excited about all the options listed above, I couldn't see myself doing that. So I took that one minute and thought about it. If I really had only one month to live, I would consider that my last chance to leave behind a legacy before I'm forever gone. My last opportunity to impact other peoples' lives. The last time I could do something for what I could be remembered for once my body rots under ground. 

With that thought on my mind, I asked her in return: "If you had only month, would you use it to maximize the benefit for yourself? Or would you use it to maximize the benefit for as many people as possible?" An interesting question as I find. And it also reminded me of the recent suicide of Brittany Maynard who was diagnosed with a terminal brain cancer and was given only 6 months to live. At the young age of 29. She used her situation to raise awareness for the importance of "death with dignity," or assisted suicide as it's also know.

I look at my life and I truly hope to live through it without complications (i.e., reach/exceed the average life span). Not for the sake of living, but to have the opportunity to positively impact as many as possible. And once death strikes, I hope to have built a legacy that continues beyond my mortality. So in theory, you have ±80 years to have that kind of impact and build that legacy.

This all would change if you were given only one month to live. The downside is that one month is not long. The upside is that if you end up under such circumstances, you have the unique opportunity to attract peoples' attention — similar* to how it was the case with Brittany. Or Zach Sobiech who died at the tender age of 18 and whose (highly inspirational) last days were recorded and widely shared. Or Randy Pausch whose "Last Lecture" was viewed over 17 million times on YouTube. In that case, you won't get the 80 years to have that impact that would leave behind that legacy, but you would have one month and a lot of people's attention to do so. 

With that in mind, would you maximize your own benefit on your last month in life or would you dedicate it to leaving behind a legacy? You can maximize your fun, but everything will be over before you know it. Or you could use your situation to raise awareness for a cause. For either your illness, or your beliefs, or whatever is dear to you — something that will live on even when everything of you is gone. 

Sadly, among the many that die, only few know or see it coming so directly. I'm not saying that's necessarily the better option, but if your answer to the title of the post is to maximize the impact you have on other peoples' lives, then take this mental role play as an encouragement to live your entire life by the objective to leave a legacy and not just in the moment you see your death happening sooner than you thought – because it's  guaranteed to happen sooner or later anyway. 

*a quite negative case was the recent story of Maik Mahlow, a German entrepreneur who claimed he was dying of cancer just to get media attention and to promote the sales of his company. 

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How saying YES can make all the difference in your life!

One of the topics I covered during my presentation at the IdeaLab two weeks ago was the difference and the importance of saying Yes as opposed to saying No in life. And let me say straight out what might go through your head: "well, that's such an obvious thing to talk about." While I acknowledge that anyone might agree that saying Yes seems a smarter thing to do than saying No, I do want to dedicate this post to the meaning of saying Yes and how saying Yes can truly change the trajectory of your life (sounds like big stuff, and well believe me, it is). 

My friend Karen left Google in Australia a few weeks ago and in her farewell note she was quoting Amazon founder Jeff Bezos: "In the end, we are our choices. Build yourself a great story." I kept thinking about this quote and at some point realized how all the small choices we take in our lives (both intentionally and unintentionally) can have a tremendous impact on quite anything that happens to us: the people we meet, the opportunities we come across, life, death, just anything. Let me give you two examples from my own life to illustrate what I mean.

1) When I graduated from that school, the only career I was considering was a career in consulting. It wasn't until my friend Nico encouraged me to apply to Google. Initially, I dismissed the idea because I thought I could earn more money. A few weeks later (I was still stuck in the same internship trying to kill time while the economic crisis was in full swing), I said yes and decided to apply with the sole purpose of gathering interview experience. I not only interviewed, but I also got the job and have been with Google ever since (and very happy, too!). 

2) During my studies, I had to choose a second foreign language besides English. I had already been studying French for 7 years, so the obvious option was French. But there was something about Spanish that made me curious. I said yes to the challenge of learning a new language from scratch and became fluent in Spanish. Fast forward to today, I'm leading our strategic partnership efforts throughout Latin America. An opportunity I would have not gotten without my Spanish skills. 

These are two major decisions in my life when I was at the cross roads of saying Yes or No. And every single time, saying No would have been the easier option. But I dared to say Yes. Yes to the feeling of discomfort, Yes to the unknown, Yes to the path of more resistance — and good things happened in return. Looking back on these events, I have come to realize how very often, our entire lives are determined by all the small decisions we take un/intentionally at any point in time. 

So if these decisions can have such tremendous impact on our lives and result in completely different outcomes, how would we know what is better: Yes or No? Aren't there also examples when someone said No and then ended up better off? Certainly true, but I'm talking here about those moments when you know that saying Yes will make you uncomfortable. When saying Yes will expose you to uncertainty and the unknown. Let me explain! 

Saying No is easy. Staying with the status quo is easy. Not challenging yourself is pretty easy. The meaning of saying No often means “zero risk of failure” – no risk, no return. No will probably give you a sense of peace, but No will not give you the life or career you aspire.

Saying Yes on the other hand is hard. Being invited to a dinner party where you don't know anyone can make you feel uncomfortable, but if you say yes, you could meet great people who could change your life for the better. Saying Yes to new opportunities is challenging, but learning new things will help you discover your passions and possibly help you find your calling. Yes is what will eventually help us find our partner (both personally and professionally). Even if it's less obvious, saying Yes means that you will grow, do something new and make a difference. The world is full of Naysayers. You can be the one that pushes ahead with a Yes. 

Again, Yes is the harder option because it requires action, commitment and engagement. And, like it or not, some of these experiences may not turn out well, some will be straight out failures, but if you say Yes often enough, you can't help but stumble on life-changing opportunities that you never would have experienced or discovered if you had said No. The good news is though that saying Yes gets easier with time and practice. The more often you say it, the more you learn, the more things you will be comfortable with and the more people you will attract to yourself. 

Next time you are at the crossroads of Yes and No, just ask yourself what the easier option would be. Believe me that very often the answer to that will be No. But I dare you to challenge yourself to say Yes and to go down the more difficult path. Why? Because I promise you that you will be better off in the end. And even if not, you made a valuable experience that will enrich a future decision of yours. 

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10 Things I Learned Talking to 500 People

At the IdeaLab! 2014 hosted by the WHU

End of September I was sitting in the Google office in Buenos Aires working on an analysis of the ±10 different partnership conversations we had conducted throughout Brazil and Argentina. It was already late PM when I got a Facebook message from the head organizer of the “IdeaLab! Founders’ Conference” in Germany, inviting me to attend their conference as a speaker – flights and accommodation all covered. Not only did I feel humbled by the invitation, I was also fascinated by the fact that I was invited by the WHU in Vallendar, the host university of the conference which happens to be the main academic rival of my own alma mater, the EBS in Oestrich-Winkel. 

Feelings of surprise aside, the idea of speaking to 400 people in less than 3 weeks made me extremely uncomfortable and excited – uncomfortably excited as we say at Google. Especially as I would be sharing the stage with successful entrepreneurs and CEOs (of Microsoft Germany or Rocket Internet). But what would I talk about? How could I possible make this a worthwhile 45 minutes? I was torn between “what an amazing opportunity” and “how the heck am I going to pull this off”?

After a brief conversation with Christian, the organizer, I understood that they were less interested in Google, but more in my story of being a fellow undergrad business student (albeit from their competitor) and how I made it to Google in Silicon Valley. And as the title of the conference was called “The Art of Innovation,” I aptly called my speech “The Art of Re/Inventing yourself” – focusing on both my story and the lessons I learned throughout my journey. By leaving Google out of this, I was able to go ahead without requiring any PR approval. I submitted my vacation request and booked my flights. 

Soon enough, a friend and EBS alum suggested I should also speak at the EBSpreneurship forum, the equivalent of the IdeaLab!. While I would have loved to – especially because the events were at consecutive weekends – I couldn’t because of timing (and I didn’t want to break the exclusivity I had with the IdeaLab!). Nevertheless, I agreed to stop by for a separately organized talk with different content. 

The past three days in Germany were extremely exciting (writing this article while on my flight back from Germany). My talk at the EBS was just 3 hours after I landed in Frankfurt. I headed straight to the campus of my alma mater (imagine all those feelings of nostalgia I had) and gave a 90-minutes talk to some 110+ students. We had expected 60 folks, so this was absolutely amazing. Two days later, I gave my talk at the IdeaLab! Based on my own feelings and the feedback I received from attendants, the organizers and fellow speakers, I think the presentation went extremely well. Most importantly though, I learned a ton about public speaking, was able to identify areas I further need to work on, and was extremely delighted about the opportunity to share my story with others. 

Here are some of my “lessons learned”: 

1. Do an Energizer: I started the talk at the IdeaLab! with an “energizer” (My buddy Pete had advised me to). It was already the 2nd day of the conference and I wanted folks to leave behind their stresses, messes, dramas and traumas. I asked them all to stand up and we did a little group stretch. After that I asked them to pull up something personal on their smartphones, lock the screen and give it to a neighbor. I said that on the count of three, we would have to tell our neighbor the password of our phone … 3 … 2… JUST KIDDING GUYS! Huge laughter ensued… "So, who felt uncomfortable about sharing something personal? Ok, and who felt excited about seeing something personal of someone else? Well, today I’m sharing a personal story and I hope you feel uncomfortably excited." Boom – everyone was 100% present.  
2. Make it Simple: I used 15 slides – one picture per slide, no text. Make it loud and visual. Let the pictures support your ideas and message, not distract from them. 
3. Diversify Your Presentation Tools: In addition to using the slides, I also made use of the Flip Chart at two occasions. It gave the presentation a strong sense of spontaneity since Flip Chart drawings rarely look well planned. People love unplanned things during presentations (except they are unplanned technical errors which I was saved from).
4. Reference Other Speakers: One thing I did that people LOVED was that I picked up something that key note speaker Oliver Samwer (CEO of Rocket Internet) had said just the day before. I redrew Oliver’s one-dimensional graph which he used to explain a theory and added a second axis to it through which I further developed his theory. It was a fine line of criticizing someone’s theory and expanding it, but from the feedback I got, people felt the latter was the case.  
5. More Q&A is not Always Better: When you speak to such large crowds, the Q&A can be quite messy. At the EBS, I thought that 45 mins Q&A would add a lot of value (after a 45-minute no-slide talk), but I got way too many questions that were too specific. Someone asked me about Google’s Android strategy in China. Not only was that unrelated to my presentation topic, but also uninteresting to others. More Q&A is not always better. I skipped the Q&A at the IdeaLab! entirely and did 45-mins of pure talking. I took questions in 1:few conversations afterwards. 
6. Make the Known Unknown: Well-known concepts need to be conveyed under a new perspective. For example, I wanted to talk about the importance of moving out of your comfort zone. But I could have not just used that expression “move out of your comfort zone”. It’s overused, it has too much of a “coaching”-character to it. That’s why I had to convey this concept differently. So instead of saying “move out of your comfort zone”, I centered that part of my presentation around the question of “when was the last time you did something for the first time” – an important question they should ask themselves on a regular basis to ensure they are developing new skills that make them uncomfortable. Known concepts need to be conveyed in an unknown way.
7. Make Yourself Relatable: One of the key things I learned in my global course on Storytelling this year, was how to make yourself relatable to the audience. As someone who had been “in their position” just 5 years ago (studying at a private school, being close to graduation, figuring out life), I played on that angle really hard. This caused a big “wow, this guy knows how I’m feeling” – type reaction. People felt much more connected.  
8. Vulnerability Leads to Authenticity: I could have told them only about my successes, but I also talked about the insecurity I experienced throughout my path. I was afraid this wouldn’t fly in front of a German crowd, but it did. Sharing emotions and feelings shows vulnerability which increases your authenticity as a result. 
9. Story and Anecdotes: My presentation would have been absolutely meaningless if I had not filled it with personal stories and anecdotes. I talked about how my friend Nico referred me to Google, I talked about my former manager John and his advise on my first day at Google, I mentioned my random encounter with noble peace price nominee Wael Ghonim, I even told folks that my 70-year old dad started yoga (note: he was sitting in the audience). People loved the stories. And I loved telling them. Win/Win. 
10. Explore the Space: Gestures are important. What’s also important, is to move your body. I went back and I went forth. To the left and to the right. I even went up (while stretching during the energizer) and down (when demonstrating a moment of sadness during which I was sliding with my back against the door). Explore the space, but keep it real. If you move too much, you emit stress. Find a balance that will make your movements interesting and not distracting.  

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The Fuckedupness of our Beliefs

Manishimwue, an orphan I was living with during my stay in Rwanda.

You know how they joke that a newly elected president will be busy cleaning up the mess of his predecessor? That’s sometimes how I feel when I think of my 20s. I once made the statement that our 20s are the most important decade of our lives. Why? Because that’s the time when we actually grow up, move out of our homes, and let behind those teenage dramas. It’s the decade during which we discover ourselves and take ownership of our lives. But there is one other important thing that defines our 20s. It’s the fact that we will be busy cleaning up the mess of our teenage years – the beliefs that have been drummed into us growing up. 

Look at babies for example (I’m approaching my 30s, the time when having babies actually becomes “a thing”). These creatures come to this world absolutely naked – both literally and metaphorically – "empty books" that will be filled over the years to come. And boy are they curious! So hungry for knowledge and unaware of their limitations. In fact, they thing they can do ANYTHING: grab that hot pan and chew that piece of plastic (or that dead bee that I ate when I was a kid because I thought it would turn into honey… I still think that’s a genius thought for a 2-year old).  

We come to existence absolutely innocent. Not knowing what a skin color is, what a religion is, what a sexual orientation is. Yet many grow up discriminating, hating and segregating (or experiencing such behavior themselves). The environments we grow up in tell us what we can and can not do. We are supposed to become lawyers and doctors and engineers. That certain type of people are "dangerous" and that some things in life are sinful. 

Over the years, we are being indoctrinated with what society expects us to do. And often enough, our parents function as a channeled reflection of that society. In their eyes, they are just passing down the "wisdom" that our grandparents taught them. I'm not doubting that they mean well, quite the opposite, I think they really love us and want the best for us, but who who says that all of their beliefs are truly what we should believe? 

So that empty book that we are, gets its pages filled with messages and expectations. Not capable of understanding what is actually happening, our subconsciousness takes it all in. That mean comment that someone makes about your body? It quickly affects your self-esteem. That person you love and who rejects you? You start to feel unworthy. My mom still tells me the story of how I once came back from Kindergarten crying, begging my parents to change the color of my skin. I couldn't tell back then, but these incidents certainly affected me, albeit subconsciously. 

Society shapes us. Big time. The book is being filled, but we rarely notice what is being written in it. Not because we don't want to know, but because the ability to reflect and read our subconsciousness comes to us later in life, if it comes at all. Many people walk through their lives with these limiting beliefs that they have soaked up over the years. They carry along this book that they never manage to read and understand. Yet the book becomes the underlying foundation of their actions, their thoughts and how they see and interpret the world.

But then there are others who get it. People who don't just live through their troubles but actually take a moment to understand them. That constant lack of money? Those constant love dramas? Chasing those wrong ideals? They pause, reflect, understand, challenge themselves. They open that book and read what has been written in it. They see the limiting beliefs that they have been indoctrinated with and they decide to erase them, to replace them with some better, real beliefs. Sadly though, not everyone in this world will be able to open his eyes and read the book they are carrying around.

And that's exactly why our 20s are so important (I'm saying 20s, but that process can certainly start earlier or later than that). It's the decade of our post-teenage life during which we are most flexible and independent. The time we are most exposed to new experiences and hungry to build our identities. In this process, we have the responsibility to be critical of the beliefs that guide our actions and thinking. The later we become aware of that, the longer we walk around guided or inhibited by the wrong ideas. We need to be better than that. 

The Power of Visualization

I was on the phone all morning today trying to find a place in San Francisco that I could use for an exhibition that I'm planning. When my colleague learned about my plans, his surprised reaction was: "You are organizing an exhibition? How do you find the time or motivation to do all these many things outside of work?" – a question that I get quite frequently. While there are many factors that motivate me, I want to talk about one thing specifically which I consider extremely powerful and which is one of the key techniques that I use in my life to motivate myself for those outlandish, I-feel-so-fecking-uncomfortable-type goals — like organizing my first ever photo exhibition. 

The technique I'm talking about is called "the power of visualization" (actually, I'm not sure what it's called. This is basically how I call it). What I mean by that is that oftentimes I start having a crazy idea, something that is far outside my comfort zone. For me to then go and realize that crazy idea, I start visualizing myself doing it. This visualization then becomes a source of motivation for me. Before I get into the details, let me give you a few examples. 

When I turned 27 this past December (dang, time flies!), I suddenly had this crazy idea to invite all my local friends and cook Persian food for them. "All my local friends" turned out to be 25+ people. To make my case: I had never ever cooked Persian before. But that didn't matter. I visualized myself doing it. In my mind, I was preparing those Kebabs like a master chef and I was seeing how folks were enjoying themselves and enjoying the food. For many days I imagined doing it until I was absolutely determined to pull it off. I read up on it, I watched YouTube videos, I had my aunts call me and give me tips. My mind was set on success. And so I pulled it off.

Visualization is also what drives me to learn languages. I imagine myself being in Brazil and talking to people in fluent Portuguese. Visualizing myself doing something motivates me. But not only that, it also impacts my actions. Best example is tennis. When the ball comes towards me, I don't think too much about how I'm going to take the ball, whether my feet are positioned correctly and if I'm all well-balanced. For a short moment I see myself taking the ball perfectly, a perfect swing, the right force. And often enough, it just works. This technique is also what I apply to my photography. If you are interested in learning more about the (visualization) story behind the picture that UPS licensed from me, you can read it here.  

So, why is that? Your mind can be your worst enemy and your biggest friend. It's important to know how to make it work in your favor. Think of your thoughts as a powerful instrument that can change the balance of the energy around you. A focused thought, which is a thought that is "soaked with emotional energy" (in other words: mental attention), has the power to change the environment around you, to influence your circumstances, to cause you to act in a never-seen-before way. It can change your attitude towards things.

By visualizing yourself doing something specific, you eventually change your reality. There is nothing material or supernatural going on, but simply the alteration of the mental attention you pay to something and the confidence in your abilities. Visualization programs your brain for success. It allows you to gather the mental resources you need to achieve what you are imagining. Simplified: your thoughts shape your attitude and your attitude influences your reality. And as I wrote in my previous article on this blog, it's also your attitude that will send high vibrations which, in return, will attract other things with high vibrations (in this case the people, resources, and circumstances you will need to achieve your goals).  You know how they say "fake it till you make it"? That idea is not much different.

Does it really work? Arnold Schwarzenegger (my childhood idol, #NoShame) says that "it's all in the mind". He won the Mr. Universe title five times, is a successful real estate tycoon, Hollywood star, and former governor of California (each of these ideas being completely our of his comfort zone one would imagine). There was a time when the only thing Arnold had was the belief that his mind was what he needed to achieving where he wanted to achieve.

“The mind is really so incredible. Before I won my first Mr. Universe title, I walked around the tournament like I owned it. I had won it so many times in my mind, the title was already mine. Then when I moved on to the movies I used the same technique. I visualized daily being a successful actor and earning big money." — Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Raising Your Frequency

My favorite ice cream parlor back in Dublin had a sign promoting, if not even promising, “instant karma” in exchange for tips. Quite a smart move. I mean, who doesn’t want to have good things happen to him in life? 

Inspired by that sign which I recently rediscovered as I was going through old pictures, I came to wonder how I could have this karma thing work for me and attract all the good things in life: the amazing experiences, the positive feelings, the unique opportunities and incredible people that could become part of my journey. How would I have to think about this world and my existence on it so that I could fully tap into all these great things that are out there?

There have certainly been times in my life when I saw a lot of good things happen to me, but I rarely had an explanation as to why they were occurring and with what kind of mindset I could further attract such things. Was I just lucky or did I attract those good things by having a particular approach to life? 

As we know, many people try to explain the world and life on the basis of God: be a good person according to the principles of your religion and good things shall happen to you. As someone who grew up exposed to different religions (I was burn Muslim but read the bible and was part of various Christian organizations), I have come to believe that they are all "different doors to the same house" (a Mexican cab driver once told me this analogy). They all try to explain the world from a different yet similar angle and on the basis of certain beliefs that form the foundation of their religion. Basically what they try to do is to make sense of this world and everything that happens to us.

Independent of where you stand with regards to religion, I want to discuss this topic while putting the G-word aside for a moment. That said, I think that there is an energy out there that is guiding us throughout the universe. An energy that is available to everyone on the world because the entire universe is made up of that energy. Even you are made of that energy. No matter how you want to call that energy (and the G-word is probably the most used one to do so), what is important is that you build a relationship with that energy that is around you and inside you. Why is that important? Because all of us are connected to this limitless power and most of us aren’t using but a fraction of it.

All this energy out there vibrates at a certain frequency. Anything that you desire in life has its own frequency. Same goes for everything that you don’t want. And given that you are made up of energy, it means you are vibrating at a certain frequency, too. So not only does everything vibrate at a given frequency, but vibration attracts similar vibration. 

The simplest example I can think of is smiling. Smiling vibrates at such a high frequency that it’s hard to resist someone’s smile and to not smile back. This is basically the law of attraction. Whether we want (or even realize) it or not, we are constantly attracting energy to ourselves. Whenever we vibrate at a low frequency, for example by feeling sad, depressive, alone and pessimistic, we simply attract misery and things that vibrate at low frequency. Only when we increase our frequency, we start attracting the desirable things in life.

Whatever vibration you put out there, the universe will respond to you on the same frequency. This is why when you are all positive and vibrating at a high frequency, you see all these great people and opportunities crashing into your life. To make this energy thing work for you and to truly raise your vibration onto a frequency level that attracts the good things in life, you have to believe that everything you want in your life is out there in the universe and available to you. The job you desire, the type of person you want to spend your life with, the dream apartment you have been looking for – all these things exist and are out there vibrating at their own (high) frequency. 

Why high? Because they are amazing things. If they weren't amazing, they would vibrate at low frequency and be way to easy to get. But to get those high-frequency things, you yourself need to get out there and vibrate at a high frequency. Put that smile on your face when you leave your apartment, be the person who gives a warm welcome to a new employee on the office floor, compliment the waitress for what she wears, be the person who others look for if they need someone to talk to. What goes around comes around. You can't put out negative energy at low frequency and then expect amazing things happen to you. If you vibrate at high frequency, the world will respond on your frequency level. This is what I consider karma and this is how I'd encourage you to approach life.

The generation that wants it all

We are quite an interesting generation of tech-enabled, informed, restless, urban-dwelling individuals. Probably the last group of people that has gone through the transition from offline to online dating. We remember calling our high school crush on their parents' land line, but have also met and courted through one of the numerous dating apps on our phones. While technology has enabled us to easily connect with others and to pursue our increasing need for self-fulfillment, it has also put us into this never-ending, FOMO-driven craze for "the next big thing”, thus challenging our ability to make long-term commitments .. to basically anything in life. 

With the world now quite literally in the palm of our hands, we now have a ton of information available to us. A trend that has fundamentally changed the way how we think and behave. We increasingly analyze the relationships we have with others as well as with ourselves. In fact, questioning the purpose of our lives, understanding our identity, and trying to reach (and maintain) a happy state of mind has become a recurring theme that I see in so many of my friends all over the world. 

And as we are striving for continuous betterment, the many opportunities at our hands have only fostered this unsatisfiable desire to realize ourselves. To constantly do more. Why? Because #YOLO! Our bucket lists used to stretch over a lifetime, but nowadays we barely manage to plan beyond the current year. Not limited by geographies anymore, our circle of friends stretches around the world from San Francisco to Sydney. There is hardly a dinner party at which my friends don't talk about their plans to move to just another metropolitan city, like their lives have become passport pages and the days within them are just stamps. A few years ago we still ridiculed Apple for continuously releasing a new product and making us constantly want the latest version, but today we have given in on this and just buy along. If it’s better, we need to have it. And while we are happy with what we do professionally, we always have to keep that LinkedIn profile updated, because someone might somehow come across our profile and offer us something better, right? 

Driven by this constant fear of missing out, it’s hard to settle for something and make decisions to last. We are not used to making commitments anymore. And even when we do, our exposure to all these other things let’s us second-guess what we decided on. You don’t like it anymore? You changed your mind? No worries, just return it! Previous generations chose one employer and stuck with that company for their entire life. Trying to make my parents understand why my job at a renowned tech company is really great, but that I feel ready for something new because "it doesn’t feel like it’s my calling”, only provokes looks of incomprehension. 

Just yesterday I ran into a former colleague who had left my team two years ago. It felt weird to admit that I was still working for the same department while she had left to pursue her own start-up. It felt weird because in today’s professional world you are expected to constantly move and optimize your career prospects. As we become increasingly aware of the multitude of options around us, the grass tends to look a lot greener on the other side of the fence. 

Needless to say, this new behavioral pattern also affects our dating habits. The next person we could meet is literally just a swipe away from us. There are not even physical barriers anymore. I once met this wonderful girl online while I was on a business trip in Colombia. After three days of chatting, there was such a strong connection that I changed my return flight just that we could meet at Bogota airport in between changing flights. We got along so well, that a month later she came and visited me in San Francisco for an entire week (I still think this could serve as the story of a romantic novel).

And so we constantly meet new people, go on numerous dates, but then often find a reason why “something doesn’t feel right” or “it’s not the right time”. And in case we do like each other, we often fall into this undefined space of being “mingles”, mutually single. We kind of date each other, but – GOD forbid – not officially! We hang out and enjoy each other’s company, are intimate, but don’t want to lose our autonomy or give up on all the goals we have set ourselves. We want to invest in the “I", not in a “We" because we are afraid of the opportunity cost. And even if one of the two realizes that their feelings are for real, there is no guarantee that the other person might feel the same. So we force ourselves to move on to not waste any time – because remember? Ain’t got no time for this! 

Ironically, we search and search and then don’t even recognize anymore when that what we were looking for in the first place is right in front of our eyes. The same friends of mine who complain that they are single, also complain when a guy or girl gives them too much attention or “tries too hard”. They want the perfect lover, but when that person goes above and beyond to show them how much they care, something just doesn’t feel that right anymore. 

So we have come to look for perfection, however not in what sits in front of our eyes, but in everything that does not. And while we always want what we can’t have, we hardly acknowledge that at the core of our restlessness is both our newly acquired fear of missing out and our desire to realize ourselves. How can we possibly know whether what we have is the best we could have? Doesn’t society constantly tell us to not settle for less than the best? Hasn’t great just been downgraded the new good? Let me check my newsfeed quickly… yes, that’s still the case.

Yet while technology has made so many things easier, it has not reduced the complexity we have to deal with in the relationships we hope to form for the long-term. As nearly half of all marriages end in divorce, we seem to have become a generation that is partially incapable of dealing with the complexities of modern-day relationships. We have become impatient, restless, constantly on the move. 

But are we really to blame? The technology that is taking over our lives can barely reflect our increasing sophistication as human beings. We all want that one partner that makes us laugh, is well educated, likes puppies, and what have you (just read through some Tinder profiles to get an idea what people look for these days). While these are legitimate desires, they are in no way going to function as the foundation of a happy partnership or as the glue that will keep things together in times of difficulties. 

Relationships don’t break because of the good things we bring into the relationship, but because of the natural deficiencies that we all have. It takes a lot of time and experience to build knowledge and muscle on how to deal with these deficiencies. Many of them only surface when we are in multi-year relationships, in which our character strength and commitment ability are stress tested. So it’s not just about finding someone who meets all the things on our wishlist, but someone who can also deal with our problems on the “blacklist". Sadly though, in these casual, no-commitment, mingle-type relationships of our generation, we tend to run away when such problems occur. When I tried to save my last serious relationship, my ex responded "I don't want something broken and then fixed”. Standing up and walking away from the problems in our lives has become easier than to sit and work things out. 

As this trend continues, we need to come to our senses and understand how we have robbed ourselves of the ability to make decisions to last. We need to appreciate more the beauty of the things we own and stop chasing the things that we don’t. I once lost someone who meant the world to me, simply because I had the urge to tick off one of those items on my bucket list. Just because "you always wanted to do something”, it doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice everything else thinking that there is more out there. Our desire for self-fulfillment and betterment is legitimate, but it shouldn’t keep us from making commitments to the things we have. To the contrary, we should value more the loyalty that people show us. In today’s fast-moving and sometimes ephemeral world, commitment is worth a mint and remains the single most important factor for a relationship to last.

While technology is at the core of how our social interactions and expectations have changed, it deserves a lot of credit as well. I have married friends who met online. I have married friends who were physically apart for large periods of time and only managed to uphold their relationships through technology. We are a truly privileged generation if you ask me. Our parents grew up offline, our children will grow up online. We will be the only one that had the opportunity to experience both. Even more so, we are the generation that shapes the online world of the future. With that comes a lot of responsibility to be considerate and thoughtful of how the technology that we are creating today is changing the ways how we will be interacting with each other tomorrow.