Consulting Your Future Self

Sometimes, when you are faced with difficult decisions – or you go through challenging times – rather asking your mom, your best friend or even God, the best person you could consult is the future version of YOU. 

For some reason, we tend to think of our future self as a much wiser and happier person capable of guiding us through a challenging "now". Don’t believe it? Try it! Picture your future self for a moment. Most people tell me that they see a content, stable, and much wiser version of themselves. If that exercise doesn’t work, just think of how you pictured yourself as an adult when you were still a teenager.

I came across this phenomenon during a challenging period of my life in which I tried to consult my future self. I was continuously troubled by a particular topic and just wondered for a moment what my future self would like to tell me if he could look into the past on this very moment now. For a short moment, I saw a 40-year old version of myself (very handsome, of course) talking to the "me in the now". Surprisingly, he came across very knowledgable in terms of knowing what is best for me. 

My future self told me that I should move on and not let this topic keep me from pursuing my path. He told me that I don't know it yet, but that the experience I was going through was actually the best thing that had happened to me. He said that my current idea of happiness is actually incomplete and that I would still have to go through many more lessons over the years to come to fully understand what really made me happy in life.

My future self was effectively telling me that the number one topic on my mind was a complete waste of time. Up until then I thought I had every right to be worried about what I was worried about — but within an instant — my worry's right to exist had been obliterated. Moving on felt like the simplest and most plausible thing to do. And there I was, feeling stupid and ridiculed on the one hand, yet encouraged and enlightened on the other.

Why encouraging you might ask? Well, visualizing myself as a 40-year old, I saw someone who was happy, present and self-loving (have I mentioned handsome? Just kidding!). Not someone full of worry. So, when does that change occur? Exactly. 

Needless to say, this was very eye-opening. The advise could have come from anyone – in fact, many people had told me that very same thing – but the fact that it was coming from a non-existing version of me from the future, gave the advise so much more credibility. 

I found this a very powerful experience that got me thinking. What was this much wiser voice and where did it come from? Was it the aggregate of advises I had already heard from others? Was it what I was secretly hoping to hear and act on? Or was it an inner voice that knew what was best for me but that I was refusing to accept? 

I came to realize that the voice of your future self is nothing else than the voice of your inner compass. I believe that everyone is equipped with an inner compass whose coordinates are our deeply anchored believes, ideals, principles and values. In moments of trouble, we don’t always see the path we should go, but we can make use of this inner compass to figure out the direction into which we should head. 

As a matter of fact, these deeply held values are in our heart and not our mind — and is it turns out, thinking rationally during challenging moments is very difficult. In order to activate this inner compass and to see what these values in our hearts would like to tell us to do, you simply have to imagine yourself in the future looking back at the choices you are facing now. By thinking of your future self, you are taking distance from the rational mind and you let the inner compass speak for itself. The reason why this is so effective is because all the worries and hesitations of the "now" are situation dependent and will lose meaning in the course of time. In the long-run, our actions and decisions that will will turn out to be the right ones are the ones that we take based on our values. 

Either way, the next time you need to decide whether it’s the right thing to relocate for your job or to buy that car you have desired to own for years, don’t look far for advise, activate your inner compass by looking inside yourself – your future self.

Your IQ, Your EQ and Your PQ (Positive Intelligence)

One of the many things I have planned for 2014 is to read 12 books that are related to the topic of happiness. The reason I want to do that is not only to have more food for thought for The Positude Blog, but also to develop a better understanding of how to write and structure a book. That is eventually the goal of this blog, namely to publish a book. 

The first book I have chosen is called "Positive Intelligence" by Shirzad Chamine. I'm just half-way through, but there are already some very interesting thoughts and concepts that resonate with me and that coincide with my own theories and ideas about what makes us happy in life. 

One thing I mentioned earlier is that your mind is both your best friend and enemy. Remember this example?

"If you are in a room with 10 people and 9 of them hold something good in their hands while 1 person points a gun at you, you would focus on the gun and completely disregard the 9 positive things in the room. One might say "of course, the guy is holding a gun", but that's exactly the point. As humans, we are unconsciously programmed for survival. That's why our brain is wired to identify threats, danger and negative things in our environment and that's why thinking positively requires an extra effort." – Breaking the Habit of Thinking Negatively

If you don't want to think in such extreme examples, just try to think of how your increased happiness fades shortly after you achieved what you thought would bring you lasting happiness. Shawn Achor mentioned in his book "The Happiness Advantage" the example of students who get accepted to Harvard. It's a big achievement that certainly causes euphoria and increased levels of happiness ... but almost all students shortly succumb to the stress and fears of their student lives. Just think of your last time you achieved what you thought would make you happy and think how long it actually lasted? Think of all the "eye-opening" trainings you attended and books you read. Chances are those lessons and insights resonated strongly with you, but that their effects fizzled. 

According to Shirzad Chamine, this is a self-inflicted phenomenon caused by our mind to sabotage you. Your mind is your best friend, but it's also your worst enemy. In his book "Positive Intelligence", Shirzad identifies 10 different types of Saboteurs – internal enemies that express themselves through "automatic and habitual mind patterns, each with its own voice, beliefs and assumptions that work against your best interest." Let me present you 5 of these 10 Saboteurs. 

1. "What is wrong with me? Why do people not like me?" (The Judge)
2. "What an idiot ... if you can't do it right, don't do it at all" (The Stickler)
3. "Maybe he will like me more if I do him that favor?" (The Pleaser)
4. "I'd be such a loser if I don't get the first place"  (The Hyper-Achiever)
5. "Why does that always happen to me? I wish someone would help me" (The Victim)

Some of these voices might be familiar to you. As I wrote in my post Breaking the Habit of Thinking Negatively, 75-80% of your daily thoughts in life are negative. These 10 Saboteurs are the ones to be blamed for that. Knowing that, the question is not if you have any of these Saboteurs, but which of them you have. Surprisingly enough, we develop these Saboteurs as a result of our efforts during childhood to make sense of the world around us. It's our brain's attempt to protect us and to survive (just think of going to school and the emotional stress this can be for a child). Once be become adults, these mind patterns are fully engraved in our brains and often enough we don't even notice that we have them (after all, they have been around with us since the beginning).

The good news is that these Saboteurs can be identified and weakened (something that I will address in detail in another post). More interestingly though, the effect of these Saboteurs can be measured! Shirzad came up with a concept that he calls PQ. The same way how someone has an IQ and EQ (Emotional Intelligence = the ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, of others, and of groups), people also have a PQ (Positive Intelligence). High PQ would mean that your mind acts as your friend far more than as your enemy. Low PQ would mean the contrary. 

To put your PQ into context, just imagine that your overall potential as a human is determined by a multitude of factors. There are – for example – your skills, network, experience, as well as your IQ and EQ. But at the end of it all, it's your PQ that determines how much of your potential you are actually achieving. By raising your PQ, any challenge or difficulty in life can more easily be turned into a gift and an opportunity for more success, happiness and peace of mind. 

The reason why I like this book thus far is that it's a solid attempt to put more science behind some commonly accepted wisdoms. It's hard to put data into the world of "thinking positively", but Shirzad has an interesting approach to it. Independent of that, I believe that not everyone in this world is gifted with a sense of self-reflection and thus capable of improving their perspective on life (and their happiness as a result). Expressing this inequality through the concept of a PQ is something I find very plausible and worth discussing. 

The Best Days of Your Life

No matter how positive you are as a person, I bet you, too, have days of reflection. Days on which you rather feel like looking back than looking ahead. Days on which you remember your unworried college days during which only trouble in your life was to chose where to study abroad. Days on which you become nostalgic about your previous relationship and wonder if it was the peak or if better days will come along. 

Turns out we all have a past that is a part of us. A part of us that we can't ignore and a part of us that is full with feelings and memories that sometimes crash into our daily life without permission. While some of them are capable of conjuring a smile on your face, they are also capable of causing a state of confusion and sadness. 

Whenever this happens, there is this one sentence I try to remember which always helps me put things into perspective. It's the simple idea that the best days of my life haven't even happened yet". I think of the day I will move into my own house, of the day I will propose, of the day I will turn 30 and throw a really big party, of the day I will attend my brother's wedding – I think of all the small and big things that are yet to come and I humbly realize not only how privileged I am, but also that the best days are yet to come.

Forgive and Liberate Yourself

Throughout my own journey to a happy state of mind, I have had to frequently deal with the topic of forgiveness. It's a word that is generally being thrown around a lot and often positioned as 'forgetting' – "you have to forgive and forget" – but the act of forgiving deserves much more credit for the impact it has on our being and our state of mind. In fact, as much as The Positude is about a shift in perspective, forgiveness can also be described as such a shift in thinking. 

There are periods in life where you will realize that your state of mind is troubled by a certain feeling. A feeling of not being seen, loved or appreciated. Or, on the more negative scale of emotions, a sense of broken trust, betrayal or loss. A simple example would be a friend who treats you badly. A bigger example would be to be imprisoned for years because of your political activities (think of Nelson Mandela). 

Should you be in this state of mind, the resolution is not to ignore these feelings or to tell yourself that what happened was OK. In fact, very often it was not OK and you need to acknowledge that. Accept the wrong that has been done to you, reflect on it and decide on how you want to think about it. Forgetting will just lead to denial or suppression of your feelings, but forgiveness will allow you to remember the wrong without feeling resentment or a desire to pursue revenge. Remember, we don’t have to forget in order to forgive.

Is it that much of a big deal you might ask? Believe me, it is. Carrying this pain will keep you stuck in anger, sadness and frustration for a long period to come. The unforgiving mind is full of fear and suffocates feelings of love. It stops you from spreading your wings in peace and soaring above the turmoil of the world. It is sad, hopeless and weak. It makes you a prisoner of yourself. Forgiveness on the other hand opens the door to your own freedom.

Stanford professor Fred Luskin from the Forgiveness Projects describes forgiveness as "the feeling of peace that emerges as you take your hurt less personally, take responsibility for how you feel and become a hero instead of a victim in the story that you tell". You don't have to become best friends with the person who has hurt you, but make the conscious decision that your interactions with that person are not filled with feelings of fear or blame. 

“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison.” ― Nelson Mandela

In forgiveness you seek the peace and understanding that come from blaming people less after they offend you and taking those offenses less personally. Anger reproduces anger. Self-absorbed unhappiness over your own troubles will only cause a state of despair. Your mind only has a limited capacity for the feelings you allow to enter, so don't fill it up with anger and bitterness - leave these feelings behind. That space should better be used for feelings of love and gratitude. 

“People have to forgive. We don't have to like them, we don't have to be friends with them, we don't have to send them hearts in text messages, but we have to forgive them, to overlook, to forget. Because if we don't we are tying rocks to our feet, too much for our wings to carry!” ― C. JoyBell C.

I really want to encourage you to not be afraid of being hurt and even more so, be afraid of having to process these negative feelings that might result from your experiences. Don't be afraid to forgive. Embrace this mental challenge and consider it just another beautiful lesson in your continuous learning process to happiness. Let your worst enemy be your greatest teacher. In today's society, the ability to quickly forgive and not let negative feelings dominate and imprison you is worth more than you can possibly imagine. Don't let these experiences define you, but be the one who defines these experiences.

Making 2014 the Best Year of Your Life.

It's that time again. 2013 is coming to an end, you are heading out to celebrate the new year and most likely you are reflecting over 2013 and making up your mind on how it went. Maybe it was great and you are happy and excited to start the new chapter or it was a tough year and you wish that things will be different in 2014. Independent of that, the true question that you need to ask yourself for 2014 is: "By this time next year, who do you want to be and what do you want to have achieved?" 

The same feeling that you will have now, the same sense of reflection, the same range of emotions between happiness and regret, you will have again in about 365 days. The only thing that will change between these two moments is a number. 2013 vs. 2014. 

When 2013 started, I promised myself to make it the best year of my life. I had just finished a troublesome 2012 and just wanted to hit that huge NYE-reset button. And so I did. I entered 2013 not with resolutions, but with this picture of the person I wanted to be and the things I wanted to have achieved by this time today. I saw myself as someone confident, happy and hopeful. I wanted to look back on 2013 and be able to say I truly didn't miss any opportunity to make it great. Someone who could say he outgrew himself. Fortunately enough, this is exactly the sense I have today looking back. 

So after tonight's party and tomorrow's headache. Sit down and make sure you know who you want to be and what you want to have achieved by end of 2014. You have to fill 365 days, 52 weeks (this includes an incredible 52 weekends), 4 quarters and 12 months. You don't have to plan the days, but plan the year (personally, I plan months and quarters).

Ask yourself, what needs to happen in this upcoming year for you to be able to say it was the best of your life so far? And in doing so, set yourself some ambitious goals. What do you want to dedicate yourself to? Think of all the different areas of your life (Health, Work, Social Life, Friendships Non-work Projects, Hobbies, Family, Travel, etc.) and for each area, picture yourself one year down the road. Some examples: 

• When I think of my hobbies, 2013 has shown me my creative side. By the end of 2014, I want to have expanded my skills by mastering Photoshop and Graphic Design.
• When I think of my Family, I realize that this is my 5th year living abroad. By the end of 2014, I want to have seen my family at least 5 times! 
• When I think of friendships, I feel I have gotten to know some amazing people in 2013. By the end of 2014, I want to make sure I have gained some more amazing friends, but also make sure I don't leave behind my older ones
• When I think of my non-work projects, I'm glad I was able to launch this blog in 2013. By the end of 2014 I want to have written at least 40 posts and gotten people to think more positively in their lives. 
• When I think of Travel, I continue to feel excitement to travel the world. By the end of 2014, I want to have attended all the 7 weddings (in 6 different countries) that I have been invited to. 

You see where this is going? Picture the person you will be. Picture the things you want to have achieved. This is how I go about starting this new year: full of excitement and a positive outlook, knowing what I need to do to make this an even better year than 2014. 

May you all have a wonderful start into your new year. 

Breaking the Habit of Thinking Negatively

Fred Luskin, Ph.D., is the director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Projects and a senior consultant in health promotion at Stanford University

I once attended a course by Fred Luskin called "Unwind: The Art and Science of Stress Management". While this class was primarily focused on reducing stress at work, it included a lot of happiness- and perspective-related lessons that I shared with my team afterwards. The other day I went through it again and realized how relevant some of these lessons are for my Positude-related work. While this post contains a multitude of different frameworks, principles and theories which I would rather like to discuss separately in length and detail, I feel it was a great talk to share with you. 

The neurochemical role of adrenaline on our daily lives

Frank works with some of the top companies (Google, BCG, Bank of America, etc.) on Stress Management and Happiness-related topics. We started by talking about the Google environment, an environment that is faster-paced than the normal rhythm that your life and body has. And even though there are "down-time" possibilities (social lunch environment, nap pods, massages, in-building gyms, etc.), it's an environment of high pressure and performance expectations. While we were talking about Google specifically, I have to say that this above-average high-stress work environment is the case for the majority of my friends - independent of where they work. 

In the course of his talk, Fred talked a lot about how - from a neurochemistry perspective - adrenaline affects our body, thinking and relationships. We all know the kick of adrenaline (rushing out of a building in case of fire, sky dying, etc.), but the reality is that the body does not only release adrenaline in such extreme environments, but also during the day (especially in such high-stress/performance environments). While our perception of adrenaline is generally positive, the matter of fact is that it also has a wearing-down effect on your mind and body. Effectively, there is a limit on how much adrenaline our body can absorb before it starts to hamper your happiness and ability to perform at a very high level. If you think of all the effects a high-stress environment can have on you - difficulties to stay focused, anxiety, etc. - this all shouldn't come as a big surprise. However, it was unknown to me the role that adrenaline plays in this. 

We then made two exercises separate from each other. First we started to talk about things that are stressful at Google. People talked about the ever-changing environment, the high expectations, fire drills, information overload, having to do more with less, etc. At that point, while we were sharing our thoughts in the big group, you could clearly feel how people were anxious and thoughtful. The group was quiet and facial expressions weren't necessarily joyful. Fred used this exercise to demonstrate to us that when you talk about things that are stressful, our body releases adrenaline, which in return creates anxiety and stress. This was all intensified negatively in a group setting where you fall into this collective downward spiral. 

A few minutes later we did the second exercise which was to talk about the good things at Google. People mentioned the pride they feel, the impact of the company, transparency of leadership, the care about our well-being, etc. During this second exercise, you could clearly sense how people were open, relieved and more relaxed when talking about these topics. This was a perfect demonstration that thinking and talking about good things in life, one can reduce this tense sense of anxiety and stress. Here again, in the group setting it felt that we were not only increasing our own well-being but also pushing each other collectively. 

How our brains are wired to think negatively

One of the things I learned during that talk that truly baffled me was that a normal person's thoughts are 75-80% negative during the day. Unfortunately, thinking negatively and complaining is the default option of our brains. According to Fred, we naturally operate on a "negative bias", our mental energy is being spent on things that are wrong. I felt challenged by this overly negative statement and thus went ahead and asked him why. His explanation was a true eye-opener for me. 

Fred explained that as humans, we are wired for safety and protection - something that we have been programmed on since the existence of humanity when we had to fight for survival. Our brains want to protect us from the bad, that's why we are wired to identify and think about negative things. While the historic example is that we had to fight saber-toothed tigers and survive in the wilderness, Fred went ahead and gave a very realistic example:  If you are in a room with 10 people and 9 of them hold something good in their hands while 1 person points a gun at you, you would focus on the gun and completely disregard the 9 positive things in the room. One might say "of course, the guy is holding a gun", but that's exactly the point. As humans, we are unconsciously programmed for survival. That's why our brain is wired to identify threats, danger and negative things in our environment and that's why thinking positively requires an extra effort. 

In order to break this habit, it's important to think more about the things you love, care about, appreciate - and most importantly - have! This will cause the opposite of stress. It's your choice what you pay attention to and it's something you can train and improve. The more you think of positive things, the less adrenaline will be released in your body and the more you will get parts of your brain and body working that are/were blocked by adrenaline (creativity, positivity, etc.).

To illustrate the importance - and the challenge - of thinking positively continuously, we did a third exercise in which we took two minutes (in groups of two) to talk positively about a person. Just positively. Objective was to give the mind practice to not complain for two minutes. It was a very interesting exercise to force yourself to think positively since you feel that you are usually wired to say something positive and negative at the same time ("He is good, but...").

Breaking the habit

Overall, by these exercises, Fred wanted to show us how important it is to think positively in life and to appreciate our "presence in the now".  Just by waking up in a bed, having a glass of water, taking a shower and having a proper breakfast - we already have more than 50% of the people in this world. Being appreciative starts with appreciating these very basic privileges. 

As simple as this might sound, the reality is that we still wake up every morning and go to work as if we had to fight demons. In the case of Google, we know we go to the best work place in the world, but we are troubled by things like shuttle that is delayed, the long commute to work, the stupid meeting in the morning, etc. The truth is that we should be happy as hell. According to Fred, perspective (the example of talking positively vs. negatively about Google), language (the practice of talking positively) as well as the way how we breathe (we did a meditation exercise as well) are the main factors that influence us and our happiness.

He concluded by saying that many people who are happy, are happy by choice. They deliberately make a decision to be happier. Example: Wake up and tell yourself it's gonna be a great day! Appreciate the people in your life, appreciate what you have, not what you don't have, etc. I know people always think of these things to be absolutely obvious and easy to understand but the challenge is to internalize these things and to behave and think according to these principles. That's the true challenge. 

Positive + Attitude = Positude

The idea of keeping a positive outlook in life also is neither new nor groundbreaking. This made up word "Positude" isn't therefore anything special. Yet the realization that a big chunk of my happiness in life depends on the perspective I assume, was a big game changer for me. 

You can absolutely positively train your brain to be happier. Just like you can workout and train your heart and muscles to be stronger, you can do things to train yourself to think more positively and optimistically

I'd like to explain first what I mean by perspective. Let's think of i) an existing circumstance of your life and ii) an incident that might occur unexpectedly. Thinking of your professional life, your "day-to-day work" could be your existing circumstance and a failed promotion, for example, could be that disruptive incident.

In my own case, there was a period at work where I was slightly bored with what I was doing and didn't feel as challenged as I was hoping to be. Work had therefore become more of a "must do" than "want do". After some time, I realized that this condition was really bothering me and contributing to a troubled state of mind. At some point, I then decided to change my perspective on what I was doing day in, day out. Here is a message I had sent to a friend:

I decided to change my view on work. I'm not going to work anymore. I'm going to hang out with my friends ... at a really cool place where we have lots of fun ... and we are doing awesome things like changing the world and stuff. Now that's something that will get me out of bed every morning.

That was quite the opposite to how I felt about work during that period, but it helped me tremendously to become engaged and get excited again. Another example, this time for the case of an unexpected incident, was about a year ago when I was expecting an early promotion at work but didn't get it in the end. I was fairly certain it would happen, which made it quite a disruptive event. Here again, my initial reaction was strong disappointment, but it didn't take me much time to deliberately decide to interpret it as something positive as opposed to being something negative. Here an excerpt from an Email I sent to my manager the day after: 

...needless to say, I'm quite disappointed that it didn't work out. I know you tried your best, so let me definitely thank you for that. That said, I'm starting to believe this is actually a good thing in disguise. Having to wait for the next promotion cycle will give me more time to figure out what I really want to do as my next step as opposed to rushing things now (because I really don't have a clue at this point)...

These were just two examples from my own professional life where I tried to simply change my perspective with regards to i) a circumstance of my life and ii) a disruptive event that was unexpected. In both cases, this positude-thinking helped me regain my motivation and to not let my frustration keep me from moving ahead.  

In summary, positude-thinking can be as simple as changing your perspective and thus set yourself up for happiness.... BUT, as simple as it might sound, it is actually not that simple at all. One can't just change a perspective from one second to the next - of if they can, they can't maintain it for too long. There are many other aspects and concepts that you need to master in order to successfully apply the Positude to any situation in your life.

Two of the concepts that I'd like to mention now briefly but plan to talk more about in future are A) "Fake it till you believe it" and B) the notion of "Embracement". 

Fake it till you believe it is basically the idea that you tell yourself something so frequently and firmly, that you actually end up believing it. I consider that a malfunctioning of the brain that can be used in our own favor. Placebos for example have demonstrated that we can indeed trick our brain to believe things that don't exist. 

The notion of embracement is based on the idea that certain things in our life are outside of our reach that can't be changed by us. Stoic calm for example says that one shouldn't be influenced by things one can't influence. My case of a failed promotion is a perfect example of a situation that I wasn't able to influence and thus simply had to embrace as it was. I once shared the following message with some of my friends that - I think - nicely summarizes the importance of embracement: 

Once you are truly able to embrace a situation, you are able to process it. And once you are able to process it, you can learn from it and take advantage of it. And I think that's one of the many components that adds to happiness, namely the ability to adapt to the situations we encounter and to make the best of whatever is being put in front of us.

"The path I went to find myself" OR "The importance of the 20s"

I think the 20s are the most important decade in an adult's life. It's truly the time a boy becomes a man and a girl becomes a woman. Yes, many people leave their parents' home or start making their own living before they get to their 20s, but the experiences people make in their 20s are the ones that will most shape their character, personality and perspective. The 20s are truly the years that pave the way for the rest of one's life.

And while the 20s shape the way how people think and make decisions, I think it's also the time people develop a strong sense of self and a consciousness of what makes them happy in life. I think there are many people who walk blindly through life and don't spend much time reflecting, but the ones that do, will probably use their experiences in their 20s to understand what it is that puts a smile on their face and what it is that keeps their mind busy and worried. This ability doesn't come with the 20th birthday, but it comes over time. It comes through a lot of reflection, profound pain, extreme moments of joy, harsh disappointment and conversations with friends and family. It's a process and in my eyes one of the most important intellectual challenges one has to go through in life. 

When I entered my 20s, I had just moved to college and felt I was able to navigate this thing called life and overcome any of its hurdles. I thought of myself as a grown-up, capable of making all significant decisions that I would come across. I knew I was young and unexperienced, but I didn't bother realizing what this actually meant. Of course, I would talk to my parents and friends and compensate my lack of experience with their guidance and advice, but how much can you actually learn through others in a world in which most things need to be learned the hard way? Little did I know how important this would be later in my life. 

In my case, my naiveness of my early 20s was exacerbated by a tendency to do things in an extreme way the first time I did them. For example, when I got into university, I took my studies way too seriously which eventually affected my social life (which - let's be honest - is a substantial part of the experience). Similar story with my first year at work that impacted my quality of life or my first serious relationship which suffered from a lot of drama. I would do things in an extreme way, screw them up big time, suffer horribly but then learn from it and do it right henceforward. 

While each of these screw ups provided a great lesson that made me more experienced and resilient, it wasn't until a point in my mid-20s when I got profoundly disappointed and hurt by someone which threw me into a painful period of despair. Troubled by the situation I was in, I saw myself turning into a mental wreck as I was losing all my energy and positivity. After several months of suffering, endless conversations with family and friends and unsuccessful attempts to make sense of the situation, my broken heart had made me a broken person. I wanted to quit and just run away from my life - but I couldn't.

As I had reached the very bottom, I realized that the only direction I was able to go was to go back up. I had learned in life that if something is broken, you should go and fix it, but how was I supposed to fix something as complicated as "myself"? Well, I started by changing my perspective. I told myself that I was more than the sum of my circumstances. I told it to myself so often that I actually started believing it. My desire to be more than the situation I found myself in was what helped me sort out the mess and to catapult myself back to the top. And so it went, I started to develop my own theories and frameworks to understand what it means to live a positive and happy life. I completely redefined myself, changed my value system and priorities and built new anchors in my life. Anchors that kept me safe and reduced my dependency on others.

While this is just a summary of what actually happened, it all boils down to this concept I developed called "The Positude". At some point I realized that anything could happen to me, but that at the end of the day it would simply depend on my attitude and the way how I looked at it. 

"There's nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."  - William Shakespeare (Hamlet)

The worst thing could actually be the best thing, only if I had the mental strength to look at it that way. That's basically what The Positude is about in a very simplified way, namely having the right, positive attitude in live and thus overcome its challenges. As I developed more and more thoughts around this concept, I felt compelled to share my ideas and thus came up with the idea of running a blog on this and helping people see things more positively in their lives.

I think there are certain "tools" people can make use of to change their perspective and I'm looking forward to sharing some of those that helped (and continue to help) me overcome my own challenges. I hope you enjoy reading my thoughts and discussing this topic with me.