There are moments in my life when something just feels… off.
It’s like I’m going on with my life as usual, but then I notice this small little warning light in the corner of my eye – flashing, blinking, trying to make me aware of something important that needs my attention. Yet even before I see the small little warning light, I already feel something is unusual. A certain sensation of tension, anxiety, or restlessness that wraps around my daily life.
In the past, I used to suppress those feelings, and ignore the warning light that was flashing. I would tell myself that feeling discomfort was normal. That the heaviness of waking up was part of life. That the stress I feel was the cost for the lifestyle I was living. If I was anxious to go to work, I would tell myself “of course, it’s work, what else do you expect?” Sometimes the self-talk was even meaner, with traits of self-sabotage: “you feel this because you are not ____ enough” (fill the blank).
Suppressing, however, never works. It only fuels the fire. The problem never really goes away by ignoring it. It might disappear for a brief moment, but it always comes back more forceful, in different shapes, hitting you in the face, wham, in the form of a breakdown, an anxiety attack, a depression, or what have you.
Over time, I taught myself to pick up on those feelings the moment they appear. It has become a natural exercise for me to “check in with myself.” Almost daily I ask myself “Omid, how do you feel?” This simple question is enough for me to pick up any “off feelings” that I might be carrying with myself. Acknowledging that something is off, however, is only the first step.
The next step consists of me asking more questions to unearth what exactly is bothering me (i.e., causing the off feeling that I carry with myself). The way I do that is via a process of elimination. I ask myself: “If I took ____ out of my day/life/situation right now, would I feel better?” The blank here could be anything – a phone call, meeting, person, responsibility, task, etc. I go through all major things on my mind and life, scenario by scenario, until I hit the right topic. More often than not, I already know what’s making me feel off and I don’t need to go through this exercise, but it helps for whenever the source of my discomfort isn’t clear.
The third thing I do is ask myself what I can do to address the source of my discomfort. If it’s a meeting that gives me anxiety, I see if better preparation can help reduce it. If it was an interaction with a friend that left me wobbly, I ask myself if there is a way to address the issue with them head-on. Every time I know what the source of my stress is, I try to lean in and find ways to work it out. There is always something that I can do to make it a little easier or lighter.
Step one: If you feel it, figure it out!
Step two: Don’t suppress it, surface it!
Step three: Don’t accept it, address it!
This, for me, is a process of self diagnosis. A way to identify issues in my life before they snowball into an unstoppable force that could take me down.